Friday, September 24, 2004

Alright, so maybe Peds just isn't for me

I took a mental health day yesterday. I needed a break from school. I needed to process the past clinical experience and do some self examination. Why did I choose nursing again? I hate talking to my Peds instructor because every time I express dissatisfaction with anything she questions my choice of profession. It seems like every Clinical rotation I have to tell somebody that I didn't choose nursing so I could marry a doctor. Or because I thought nursing sounded like a fun, glamorous career. It's not because I watched ER and thought "I could do that." I chose nursing because I genuinely love people. Because I have an interest in the science of nursing. I find nursing diagnosis challenging. I look forward to inventing interventions that nobody else ever thought of. Nursing is my passion. It's who I am,it's what I do.

I imagine you are wondering what has me on my soapbox this fine Friday morning. It all began on Wednesday when I began clinical for Peds. I chose a patient that had a perianal abscess. He was a two year old boy with soft blonde curls. When he was sleeping he looked like a fallen angel. When he awakened, his voice sounded with the coo of a dove. But whenever I walked over to him to do something he cried and screamed like a banshee. This is fine. I expect that. Everyone has been poking and prodding him. I wouldn't be 100% convinced if I were him either. Finally, I had a patient with parents who were agreeable to having their child treated. He only thing was the parents were not always diligent about making the little angel take his medicine. When I came in there was a syringe with tylenol in it on the bedside table, and there was a medicine cup with milk of magnesia in it. I went on about my business as usual. Then there was a shift change. I was told by my new nurse to give the patient the meds that the parents did not because he was scheduled for a colonoscopy in the morning and his stools needed to be clear for the procedure. The little angle was also complaining about pain in his rear. The nurse said, "You make him take it or get you instructor to go in there and make him take it." As directed I went in and made him take the medication. As soon as I came out of the room, the instructor asked "Did you make him take the meds?" I said yes. She was upset. She said I didn't know what meds where in the containers and The parents could have poisoned him. She said I was in the wrong. I agreed that I was in the wrong, but last week, she encouraged me to give medications drawn up by another nurse and I couldn't really tell the difference between this situation and the last. Another thing that pissed me off was the fact that as she is giving me this feedback, various students are walking up, adding their two cents and discussing among themselves my error. I told her exactly how I felt and I didn't mince any words. I was told by one of my peers that I gave too much information and that as a result of the night's incident, my instructor was going to give me a bad eval.

I dare her to give me a bad eval. She never comes into the room to meet the patient. She never comes to the bedside with me to pass a med. She only looks at the order, and then at the drawn meds and says "Have at it." I have never felt so abandoned in my entire career as a student nurse. Isn't she concerned about her license? Doesn't she care if I check the five rights of medication administration? Does she want to watch me do my assessment to make sure that I hear crackles and not rhonchi? Four weeks in a row I have had bad clinical experiences. I am trying to give Peds a chance.

Everything else in my life is okay. I am going to watch a play tonight. It is Julius Caesar. I have to take copious notes and prepare a paper that is due in two weeks. I have a paper due in my African American Literature class, and midterms are next week as well. My diet is going well, I lost 12 pounds. My energy has real improved since I started taking the calcium supplement.

Well I have a one o'clock appointment so I must go....

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