Friday, December 30, 2005

My name is DiVa, and I am a shop-a-holic

I have a confession to make. In between completing make-up work I have been doing online shopping. Can I help it that everyone and their mother is having semi-annual sales? I think not. Besides, I have found some incredible bargains, and I have a little money. Soon I will have no more money and then there will be no more shopping, so there! I must say, I did find a lot of good bargains. Especially at the retail stores with a surplus of after Christmas gift sales. Alright, I gotta get back to work...

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Tabula Rasa

Happy New Year! New Year is one of my favorite holidays. It is a clean slate. You get a chance to start all over, from scratch. The thought of that is just AWESOME. So I thought that I would share some of my Divalicious New Years Resolutions.

Here we go!

DiVa's Top Five New Year's Resolutions

1. Lose weight and get in better physical condition.
The DiVa is serious this time. I have got to lose this weight so that I won't suffer from the sequelae of obesity. I have this condition that I call residual ten. Around the holidays, I gain 5-10 pounds. I may lose 5, I may not. Each year that residual ten adds from year to year and before you know it, whammo you weight an obscene amount of weight. And then on top of that I have weight from my babies etc. For a moment I resigned myself to being fat. Why not, I come from a long line of fat people. But then I can break this cycle and set a better example for my little girl. Once I make this a habit, it will be fine. I just know it. And besides, one day I will have to do this with my patients at some point. I am going to take fat pictures so that I can show them the proof that perserverance pays.

2. Develop a sense of spirituality.
I am not saying that I want to become overly spiritual, I just think that I am approaching an age in my life where I want to identify with my higher power. I believe in God, but I don't want to feel pressured into joining any particular religious sect or denomination. Maybe I will learn Tai Chi or start meditating. I like the idea of yoga and quiet contemplation. I think maybe I will borrow concepts from other religions and incorporate them into my life.

3. Be a better mother
I won't say that I am a bad mother, but I would like to be more focused on my children's well being. I feel like I am always making up for things that I am not able to do. I let them eat a lot of fast food and junk because school is so demanding that I have to make quick meals that aren't always very healthy. For a while my children lived off of Ramen noodles and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. We eat off of paper plates all the time because I don't have time to wash dishes. The laundry is still very high and the house is a mess. I can do better than that and I know it. I just don't always have the energy and initiative.

Their lives need more structure. They need me to sit down and teach them basic life skills. Once I am finish this undergraduate program, I will be able to devote more time. I have been promised that my Masters program won't be as demanding as my undergraduate because it is designed to cater to the non-traditional student. I suppose we'll have to see about that.

4. Become more involved in my community.
Recently, there has been a changing of the guard so to speak. My mother's generation of children have moved into my grandmother's slot, and I am moving into my mother's generational slot. The children of today need adult leaders. There are very few girl scout troops in this area, so I thought that I might do that, when I have a lighter schedule. If I decide to return to my family's church, I was thinking that perhaps I would help out with the youth program. I would also like to volunteer for the AIDS taskforce and health promotion for the prevention of obesity in children. I have always been interested in chemical dependency, so perhaps I will try to find a way to volunteer in that discipline.

5. Develop confidence. Focus on the things that are really important.
I have this tendency to sweat the small stuff. I hope that this will be a year that I can put that all behind me and look forward to a bright future as a nurse. I will be able to take care of my family and experience a financial freedom that I haven't had in a long time as a single mom. I can't wait! I have come a long way, and this is the beginning of something really good.

So, what are your top five New Year's Resolutions?

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Bah Humbug!

X-mas is in 8 days and I don't have the spirit yet. I feel like a Scrooge. I have yet to put up a tree. My son is going to fly to the Midwest for the first time to visit my ex-husband's family. So it is just me, my husband-to-be and my daughter. My Mom is spending the holiday with my sister and brother in the South. My father doesn't really do X-mas. My husband-to-be has the flu. And my daughter doesn't believe in Santa anymore. Sigh...

I have so much work to do for school this month. At the moment I had to take an incomplete in all of my classes because I had some issues to deal with. What this translates to is me writing almost 10 papers in the next month. You gotta love it. I am lacking motivation because I feel overwhelmed with work. I have to do really well on all of my work coming due because I can't get anything less than an "A" in any class for the next two semesters if I want to graduate with honors in May. The pressure is on!

So why is graduating with honors so important to me? I feel like I have something to prove with myself. I have always been a pretty good student, up until probably the 9th grade when I discovered boys. And then of course, I was working on Erickson's developmental tasks (ego identity vs role confusion and then intimacy vs isolation) and I got stuck. My high school GPA is embarrassing! I was performing beneath my potential. This is my big opportunity to prove to myself that I can be exceptional.

So if this is so important to me, why am I wasting time playing on the Internet? This is part of my self defeating behavior, (How silly of me!). And besides, I think I work better under pressure. And furthermore, I am sharing everything about my experiences in school. That includes me being a slacker too. Alright, I'll make a deal with myself. From this moment on, I am going to work on one paper a day from now until next year. I will make time to come and play on the computer once a week. And in between time, I am going to try and wrangle up some X-mas spirit.

-DiVa, seriously getting her crap in order...

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Never Again...

I have had it with my cousins. This is the last time I am going over there, I promise. I have been taking a break from going over there lately because they have been behaving particularly bizarre and I thought that maybe this was a good time to check in and see how they were doing. My terminally ill cousin called me and lately we have been talking about doing a community health project. I was kind of excited because this is a huge opportunity to put to use all the cool things that I have learned in nursing school. And since he has had his terminal illness, it was the first time that I heard him sound hopeful about something. So I decided to buy a frozen dinner and go over to visit him so we could discuss his plans.

I forgot that I kind have been dodging his sister lately. She is constantly nickel and diming me(to support her habit)for miscellaneous things. At first I obliged her because ahe has a school age daughter that lives in the house and she seems to enjoy the company of me and my daughter, and I can't stand the thought of a child doing without. But I realize now that she is taking advantage. This cannot continue because I have responsibilities of my own. Plus when she is high, she is just impossible to deal with. She is bouncing off the walls, she has drastic mood swings and sometimes it is just downright scary (throwing stuff, cussing, irratic behavior, paranoia). Even her daughter is scared. I don't take my kids over there anymore. As of late, I have noticed that her kid hadn't been there either.

So anyway, I go over and she has taken on an alternate personality that she calls "Melinda" and this person is interrogating and badgering the hell out of me. I feel like I have to defend every comment out of my mouth. It is crazy. And of course my male cousin who has cancer has a female persona that we will call "Lodejia". "Lodejia" was dressed completely as a female today. She is very tall and statuesque. She wears a wig cut into a angular bob. All things considered, "Lodejia" is in a better mood than I have ever seen her male personality. Unfortunately, "Lodejia" and I couldn't talk for long because "Melinda" was on a tangent. Instead of just saying that she feels hurt that I didn't invite her to Walmart, she tries to harass me. For most of the night I ignored her and drank wine and talked with "Lodejia". I watched "Lodejia" eat and we played a quick card game. The she decided that she wanted to rest a while, so Lodejia invited me upstairs to her room.

Out of nowhere, here comes "Melinda". She slaps my arm and drags me down the stairs. We go into the bathroom and she starts pulling my hair. All the while I am trying to fight her off and ask her why she is trying to fight me. I start screaming for "Lodejia" and he doesn't answer or come to my assistance. So then, "Melinda's" boyfriend comes down the stairs and blasts into the bathroom door. He starts to pull "Melinda" out of the bathroom. She tells me to tell him to leave the bathroom and I do because she seemed as if she calmed down. He said if I leave you in the bathroom with her, she is going to kill you. The way that he looked in my eyes told me that he was dead serious. So they start to struggle. He doesn't leave until she moves such that I can get away. As soon as she lets me free, I go upstairs to get my glasses and my coat, But before I leave I ask "Lodejia" why she invited me to come over. He tells me that he doesn't need me. Not my company, not my food or anything. My cousin goes on to say that what happened in the bathroom happened because I wanted it to happen and that if I didn't I would have tried to kill her before she tried to kill me. I can't understand why anyone has to kill anyone.

I love these people so much. When we were kids, my family wouldn't let us go to visit and I never understood why. I do now! I was hoping to try and develop a relationship with them because no one else in the family helps them. Everybody needs somebody. As I was leaving, I suppose that "Melinda" had an attack of conscious because she says, "I am sorry, I'm a drug addict ya know..." Never again. They will have to starve. I wanna live!

-DiVa, thinking that maybe psych nursing is out...

Friday, December 09, 2005

Yo necesito a practicar mi espanol

El otro día, fui a la biblioteca ayudar mi hijo con una prueba para su clase. Tiene un amigo que tiene padres que hablan español solamente. Cuando yo llame la madre del amigo de mi hijo, me olvide como hablar español. Que lastima. Yo prometí que cuando yo regresar a los estados unidos, yo seré continuar hablar español. Pero, no más fácil hablar ingles con mi familia, y mis hijos y las demás.

Mi viaje, echo de menos. La gente, las vistas, la comida, los los ejercicios tambien! Soy supuesto estar trabajando en cosas para escuela, pero estoy floja! No quiero trabajar. quiero dormir, y mirar el televisor algo pero trabajar. yo necesito motivacíon. Como dinero.


Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Newsflash: DiVa Buries the Proverbial Hatchet

Do you ever feel sometimes that you block your own happiness by carrying a grudge? I know I do, but when people really hurt your feelings it seems like the end of the world. Especially when you tried to hold the person(s) that hurt you in very high regard. And as a non-traditional student, I thought that more times than not, the people that I go to school with understand me better than anyone in my close personal relationships, family, friends, etc… We experience a lot of the same stressors, academically speaking.(Not always true, DiVa. You have a life of experiences, you have children. They are not like you at all.) I have been recently pondering the concept that, I take things too seriously and often times blow things WAY out of proportion. As of late, I have been trying to stand back and wait, before I get totally pissed off. I am not sure how this is working but you know I will keep you posted.

Now that I am approaching the end of this leg of my educational journey, I look back over my experiences to see if there has been any personal growth. I promised myself when I decided to go back to school that I would try to end the experience as a totally different person than I was when I started. I believe that I have made a lot of positive changes, and I have learned many things about myself and dealing with people in general. I always thought that people, (as a general rule), should be treated the way that you should want to be treated, but I think that a better concept is just to do you best. Be willing to acknowledge that you are not perfect, and that neither are other people. That way it gives you a bit more margin for error. And when you are wrong, don’t be afraid to admit it.

In burying my hatchet, I kind of feel like a fool because you should never give a person a second chance to make you feel like an idiot. But moving forward in relationships, I can forgive, but I can’t forget. And in my mind, I set what I call invisible limitations. That way I sort of protect myself. I have decided to keep my personal opinions about people or situations to myself, even if someone else feels the same way I do. It helps to keep shit down. I have been working on my “social smile”. When I say that I mean, giving the impression that everything is GREAT even if I feel like the roof is caving in. And when people ask for the truth, I will give it to them one time and one time only. If they act like they can’t handle it, I will give them the abbreviated version of my truth with a positive spin on the end of it. I have found that this works a lot better.

I have to remind myself on a daily basis, Stay focused. You are not here to be anyone's friend. You are going to be a great nurse. The kids are well, your grades are fine and almost everyone in your life is in good health. You are not CRAZY! It's almost over...

DiVa, the Drama Queen

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Hope for tomorrow...

Okay, last night I was talking to my fiance about a boy. We'll call him Oscar. Oscar is roughly about 10-11 years old. I met him when I was a homeroom parent for my son's class about 3 years ago.

Last year I was helping out in the classroom, and I was helping the teacher get the classroom cleaned up after a project. I was standing with a balled up piece of paper, looking around for a trash can. I never said anything, this kid Oscar went and found a trash can and brought it to me. I thought that it was the most amazing thing ever. My fiance called me crazy because I always reference this situation when I talk about people being considerate of another person's feelings or needs. Why is this so profound?

I think that it can take people years, if not a lifetime to be that in tune with another persons needs and this kid has already got it. I can't help but think of this on a global level. Just imagine what the world would be like if everyone was like Oscar? Would there be such a thing as poverty? If the president had the ability to look at a community, assess the needs and meet them, Kanye would never have made the comments about Katrina that he needed to make. If the whole world had the ability to anticipate the needs of Africa, there wouldn't be the tremendous problems with poverty and the AIDS epidemic. Just imagine if our world leaders were like Oscar?

One might say, why are you so excited over this one isolated incident where a child brought you a garbage can? This is not just an isolated incident. Oscar is always very considerate, polite and charismatic. He is a social butterfly, not only with the kids but the adults as well. And when I see a child be so well adjusted, it gives me a sense of hope. Because the kids of today, are the leaders of tomorrow.

I just thought I'd stop off and share one of my big interesting conversations. Oh, I have a brother who left for the armed forces this weekend. Our family is all tripped out right now because we are worried that he will be sent to Iraq. He doesn't believe that he will be going because his recruiter told him that he has a 20-80 percent chance of not going. But I would feel a lot better if they told him that in writing.

I am working on a paper. I think it won't be too hard, but the problem is getting motivated. Sigh...


Monday, November 28, 2005

Pardon the interruption...

The regularly scheduled negative inner dialog has been replaced by an awesome new outlook...

Alright, I will admit it. I have been a bit down on the school thing, but as P Diddy says, I lost my swagger for a minute. The one and only, often imitated never duplicated DiVa has returned. But watch out, this "B" stings.

I am ready to finish my senior year with confidence. Playtime is over, its time to get serious. I have found a way to communicate my feelings without fear. I think this is a huge accomplishment for me. I think too that entering the environment as a more mature person makes things a little more challenging, but I am sure all you Moms and non-traditionals understand.

My children are killing me. My pre-teen son overheard me discussing the surgical procedures that the kitten will be undergoing pretty soon. He asked why, and I explained to him that the kitten will have reached maturity, and the vet suggested that we have him altered so that he won't ruin the furniture with his secretions. Why did he ask me if it was semen? Ack! I am so freaked out now. Is it time for the talk? I tried to assess how much information he had so that I could give him age appropriate info that he could understand, but I think that he will have that talk with Dad when he gets home from work.

I am just giddy. I am ecstatic and elated. Graduation is so close I can taste it. I can't wait. It will be so nice to just study for the big test and work. Tonight I will be dreaming about my grand walk.



Group Projects Volume 2

Can I tell you, I hate group projects. I have learned a very valuable lesson about how to handle group projects. I must say I am handling the whole prospect much better and telling people just how I feel about things as they occur, but I just need a moment to vent a little bit.

I have talked to many current and former college students and we all agree, group projects SUCK. The group project embodies many different personalities.

For instance there is the "diligent". The "diligent" is that one person that works her ass off. The "diligent" is a perfectionist. She can't bear the thought of a bad grade, so there may be times that he/she won't let anyone else work on the project or accept feedback because he/she doesn't trust your work.

Then there are the "enhancers". These people who make small but significant contributions. Often times these small significant contributions are the only contributions they make to the entire project. But the "enhancer" is often times a very hard worker. This is your guy that finds that cool evidenced based fact that completes your project.

The "slacker", who can forget them? They are the few people/person who does absolutely nothing, but stand there ready to accept their sparkling A with all the rest of the group. The "slacker" is very sneaky, because often times, you don't realize that they haven't done anything until the project is almost complete.

There's the "complainer", who is the one who hates everything you do, but has no better idea of how you should do it.

Oh and the "know it all", they are the resident expert on anything and everything. Don't bother to have an opinion, because it is wrong. Often times the "complainer" and the "know it all" and the "slacker" are all rolled into one person.

Then there is the "delegator" that tells everyone what to do. This is the person who takes the time to quickly review the entire project and take on the parts that they think are the most interesting or easy to accomplish and then leave all the hard work to the others.

Then there is the "scapegoat" who is the poor sap that gets the whole project dumped on them. And even though they get the whole project dumped on them, if it is horribly bad, it's the scapegoat's fault.

DiVa's Tips For Being a Team Player

1. Communicate.
It only takes a second to sit down, discuss a project and make sure that the work is divided into a fair share. It is also good to be in agreement on what is to be done.

2. Know your strengths and weaknesses.
If you are terrible at writing but an awesome finder of good resources, let a person know. This will ensure that you best attributes are utilized.

3. Treat others the way that you would like to be treated.

4. Set expectations, or clear objectives. And also make a reasonable deadline.
That way there is no confusion about what is to be done. Making a deadline will ensure that the project is completed in ample time so that everyone has an opportunity to agree on what will be turned in for a final grade.

5. Decide on one leader.
There cannot be more than one leader. This person should be a fair and objective person who is capable of being in a leadership role without getting on a power trip. The leader needs to have good organization skills and be able to problem solve. This person should be a delegate without being a dictator. A good leader can motivate the "slacker" and avoid becoming the "scapegoat".

6. Do what you are supposed to do in a timely efficient fashion.
There's nothing that makes a person more angry than a person who is unprepared. Plan your time accordingly so that you stay on schedule. Let someone know in advance if you need more time, that way you can get the help you need without stalling the project out too long. Most times, the "enhancer" can jump in with some really great last minute ideas if you get stuck.

7. Get clarification.
If you aren't sure what you are supposed to do ask. And if you are the leader, make your expectations clear.

8. Attack the problem and not the person.
When addressing a situations, say this to yourself over and over and this will help you to stay focused on the problem and not the fact that Susan is a bitch.

9. If you have a problem, speak to that person directly
Don't tell Kim that you have a problem with Susan. You might as well tell Susan in the first place because it will get back to Susan and big trouble will ensue. If Kim comes and tells you that she hates Susan, don't say anything to Kim about Susan because she is still friends with Susan and she will repeat what you said and not what she said. You know, high school stuff. Nip it in the bud.

10. Remember to have fun!
Despite all of the negative stigma associated with group projects, they can be pretty fun. This could be a wonderful opportunity to meet people and develop great relationships with other in your class. It is also a really great opportunity to develop skills that will help you in the real world.

*Bonus* Check your email and try to respond in a timely fashion.
-Often times it is easier to communicate via email

And that is my public service announcement for the day...

Have a good one,


Saturday, November 26, 2005

Too much turkey


Thanksgiving. I love Thanksgiving. It gives me a legitimate reason to eat a whole can of cranberry sauce. Plus my Mom makes this fabulous stuffing. This year is a particularly sad one because two of my closest friends have cancer. I have offered to help take care of them and use some of my well practiced nursing skills, but I think that pride gets in the way. And some families have a really great support system in place.

I hadn't planned on cooking this year, but my cousin (who believes that he is dying of what he calls "tooth cancer") and his sister (who happens to be my very favorite cousin in the world) were not going to have any holiday at all. So I made them a little Thanksgiving dinner. Then my daughter and I went over to give it to them and spend a little time chit chatting. It was like being little again. Hanging out with him and his sister, I can think of about a million nursing diagnoses.

His sister has a little drug problem, but she considers herself to be a functional addict. This means that she can use drugs without letting it get in the way of her life. She has three jobs, two legitimate jobs and one job in the sex industry. It is often times quite interesting to hear of her adventures, but then it is a little frightening because she can get herself into life threatening tangles. She also has a daughter who has been exposed to God knows what. This is not a typical kid. As I was talking with and watching my cousin enjoy the small meal I cooked him, I overheard the kids playing. I am a little cautious of my daughter because I like to shield her from things that she does not have the maturity to understand. They weren't playing with toys, (because she didn't have any), they were playing clean the house. Seeing them together reminded me of how me and my cousin used to play together when we were kids. It is so sad that things have changed and now I don't even feel comfortable leaving my purse around her unattended, even though she assured me that she would rather "sell her ass" rather than steal from me. I have no idea where she is in her cycle of addiction.

My male cousin told me that he has cancer. He has also been a closet homosexual for many years. The interesting thing is that he seems to think that we don't know that he is gay, but he still pretends that he his straight and ultra feminine guy. I can't help but do a mini assessment whenever I am around him. He has issues with skin integrity. He also has altered body image. He suffers from depression and spends most of his day in the bed. His bed has no sheets. He sleeps on top of a sheet on top of a mattress. He has a pillow that has a black and white striped shirt as a pillow case. He wears a scarf around his head and a ski hat that ties under his chin on top of that. He has poor nutrition, so he is emaciated and thin.

He is a pathological liar, has been forever, but he and his sister are some of the most fun people to be around...sometimes. The amazing thing is when I talk to him about his sickness, his details are sketchy and they don't make sense. I wish he would go ahead and admit that he has HIV/AIDS so that we can protect him from getting sicker. For example, he was staying with his sister and she didn't keep the tub clean. He had recently had surgery and he submerged himself into a tub of water. He had a raging infection that broke out into his bloodstream and nearly killed him. He told me that he had cancer of the teeth, that broke into his bloodstream and settled in his kidney. He has never had chemo or radiation. He hides his prescriptions from me. I have decided to step away from the situation, respect his privacy and let him tell me what he wants to when he is ready. That is the best way to handle this situation. I've found that he and his sister take my kindness for weakness, so I have to pace myself a little bit. Additionally, their appreciation has turned into expectation.

After I hung out with them for a while, I went out to visit some of my other family members. I went over to my other friend who has cancer and spent some time with her and her family. She is the exact opposite of my cousins. She has breast cancer, and she has lost her hair, but she has her hair cut in a cute little style. Her family is so beautiful and so supportive of her. She did have edema to the left lower extremity, due to an alteration in peripheral vascular perfusion, but I noticed that she always kept her foot elevated. She ambulates with a walker and she cooked the entire Thanksgiving meal. Amazing! It was hard to come up with nursing diagnoses for her because she is so well taken care of by her family. Not to say that my family wouldn't take care of my cousins, but they have manipulated and burned people in our family that people don't want to get involved. My father has dissuaded my involvement in his problems, but someone has to help out. After my little hiatus, I don't know if I can go back over there and fool with them. I think I still want to get my cousin some sheets on his bed so that he won't have additional problems with skin integrity.

While I was with my family, we watched Madagascar. That movie is so cute, and funny! I didn't know that AliG was the voice of the king of the lemurs. He was really good. There was an message in this movie and I am trying to figure out what it is. The one that is most obvious to me is that all the characters of the movie were in the zoo, and that in the wild they would more than likely be food to the lion. But the lion was able to find alternative ways to deal with his natural carnivorous urges. The friendship between the group of animals was stronger than his hunger, but let's just keep it real. If it was the discovery channel, that zebra would have got his butt chomped!

Alright, I can't really think of anything else to write about so I will go back to eating cake and watching movies.


Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Halloween observations...

Last night I took the children trick or treating. It was like a typical Halloween except people didn't have their lights on. My kids didn't get very much candy in their little bags. They blamed it on George Bush. Ha-ha! Yeah, that's his fault too. Well, I didn't vote for him...

We left the house a bit earlier than usual for trick or treating, and once we rounded the first block the kids said, my feet hurt. Then after the second block it was, can we stop now? My baby niece was whining, then her sister starting whining. The boys were fine. My daughter wanted me to carry her and so did her on-again-off-again best friend (5 year olds) These kids are out of shape. I couldn't believe it. When we were kids, we had pillow cases full of candy. We didn't want to stop, ever! We could have trick or treated ALL NIGHT LONG. The poor kids had no motivation. Come on folks, where is your Halloween spirit?

Now I have to clean my room. This is a dreaded task, but someone has to do it. This kitten has gone mad! He is bouncing off the walls. I feel so sorry for him because he spend most of his day by himself. Then, when we get home from school and work he doesn't know what to do with himself. He got his first series of shot and he got treated for his little fleas and what not about a month ago. Now the fleas have returned. He needs discipline. I gave him a squirt with the spray bottle and he licks his fur and starts all over again. That is so strange because my man hates taking a bath. I tried to bath him once and he ripped open my hand. Last week after the kids finished their bath, he was standing on the edge of the tub. He leaned over too far an fell into the tub full of water. It was quite funny, but I don't think that he liked it very much.

Daylight savings time was this weekend. I didn't even notice. It snuck up on me, but that's cool because I haven't been late yet. This weekend is Salsa weekend. I am going out to hit the dance floor once again. I am not looking forward to that dreaded hammerlock position. It is a position where your arm is kind of twisted around behind your back in sort of a wrestling move. Oww! My arm is still sore from last week. My dancing goal is not to have jazz hands or anything, but to be able to dance Cuban style salsa, like in Salsaville! I can't wait until I am really good at this. I am working out in the gym on my off Salsa days to improve my endurance and flexibility. Those meringue songs can last for almost half an hour! I have yet to find a regular partner. I have a guy that I dance with pretty regular on Thursdays, we'll see how that goes.

It is time to decide where I want to spend my last round of clinical. I have no idea what I want to do. I like every area of nursing. I wish I could do clinical close to home, but I know that is probably not going to be the best option. I would like to work in a unit where I can use my Spanish, but that would be kind of far away. I will figure something out...


Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Change is good...I think

I changed my hair again. I am not sure how this change will be received, but hey it doesn't matter as long as I like it, right? This time I have a feeling that this is going to be one of those styles that I am going to have to play with to get it right. Only time will tell. I am still Divalicious!

I went to my third official salsa class on Monday. There are not very many young people that attend these classes. But I suppose that is okay, I am not going there to meet young people, but to learn how to dance. Sometimes, I feel like I dance too aggressively or something. I thought that the whole movement thing was about taking real steps and not shuffling your feet around. I haven't got a good read on the instructor yet. This will be interesting. I think I like taking classes in a club better than in the studio. But being in the club is still kind of awkward for me. I am surrounded by the beautiful ones and I have yet to achieve that level of competency with my dancing. Operation divalicious salsera is now in progress.

School is still on hold for the moment. That is fine. I have been spending a lot of time working on other things. My children are doing well in school. That makes me very happy. Even though we've had our shares of ups and downs throughout this process, it feels like things are gonna work out fine. I am sticking to my pseudo-diet/work-out plan in the meantime. I have decided that as a health professional it is important to lead by example, and that life in moderation is a better example than overindulgence. I think the most difficult thing to commit to at this time is a workout routine. I can control my eating fairly well. I need desperately to incorporate more physical activity in my life. I hope to be in a dramatically smaller size in time for graduation. Graduation will be here before I know it so I better get myself together.

I am so bored. I have to meet with the insurance agent, (what fun!) and then I get to go shopping for Halloween costumes.



Saturday, October 08, 2005

It's a girl, no it's a boy...wait a minute,

It is definitely a boy. There are testicles. So there will be a name change in order. It is so interesting, having a cat and all. I felt the underside of his paws and they were warm and soft like real flesh. (Can you tell I've never had a pet before?) His little pink paws have capillary refill just like humans...only a nurse. He went to the vet for the first time on Friday and got himself immunized and checked out. He is perfect.

Okay, I went to the local Salsa club for the first time last night. The night began pretty fun. There was a Salsa class. I learned how to turn, and a few spins. I was actually doing some Salsa. Then the house lights went down and the band started to play. I went by myself, which I am sure is a pretty scary concept in this day and age. It was cool. I saw other women there by themselves and I thought, "I'm okay." Then I saw someone there that I don't particularly care for. I really didn't like my outfit and I had no idea what could happen since I was there by myself and she was with a group of her friends. So I left.

I felt defeated when I left the club. I felt like I had let some unknown force beat me at a game that I thought I had the confidence to play. Of all the nightclubs in the metropolitan area, why did this bitch have to go to the same one that I decided to go to learn Salsa? I won't say that she was the primary reason why I left, more like the secondary. This being my first time and all, I wanted to kind of get a feel for what the climate would be like. I wasn't dressed the way I wanted to be, and besides that I got really hot and uncomfortable. I didn't particularly like my shoes either. Next time I will be better prepared. Which will be in an hour. Yes, I am jumping back into the skillet, I can't be stopped.

School is school. Right now I am just plowing along, waiting for graduation. Not a whole lot of work and such. I wish I had more things to share academically. But that day will come soon enough.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Nature is cool!

I feel kind of tired today. I went on a field trip. They tried to walk me to darn death! But I survived. It was really pretty too.

I think I have become paranoid about the ass kissing. That is not normal. But the ass kisser has brain washed me into thinking that I am some kind of psycho. (I am normal, I am normal.) When I explain my situation to others, they agree that I am not crazy. But I still feel crazy. What if ass kissing syndrome is contagious? What if I turn into one of these dreaded creatures as a result of the positive reinforcement that comes with buttering a person up to the point they want to hang out with me so they can hear me say nice things that make them feel good about themselves. And then I get addicted to the fact that sometimes I get free stuff and consideration for things that other people get passed up on? I wanna be me, I wanna be free! I wanna be free to be me! What if I am an ass kissee? What if I like to hear people say nice things, and I end up being one of those people who give people special priviledges because they say nice things about me? NEVER! What a nightmare...

I just want to be done with school so I can just focus on working and my family. But I plan on going on to get more education, so I think that I should try to work on ways to deal with people better. I tried the "let-a-person-fall-on-their-face-and-make-an-ass-of-themself" approach and I think it is pretty effective, but I am a person that likes immediate gratification. Sometimes it takes too long for a person to fall on their face. I have tried the "tell-the-person-how-you-feel-and-screw- their-feelings-no-apologies" approach, but my conscience wont let me be that direct. Deep down, if a person were to treat me like that I would be like a wreck. Furthermore, the results are only temporary. The person returns to the ignorant behavior in time. Additionally, when I tell a person how I feel, I am considered to be unprofessional. I could always "give-a-bitch-a-smack", it is very effective, but that could also land me in jail.

I could do the "be-a-suck-up-and-ignore-everyone-and-suffer-in-silence" approach, but that is too close to being like an ass kisser. I think I will do the "I-am-what-I-am-take-it-or-leave-it-because-I-am-a-human-being-who-makes-mistakes-and-I-am-big-enough-to-apologize-for-it-because-I-am-just-that-okay-with-myself-and-if-you-don't-like-it-take-a-leap-biotch" approach. Basically, I am a grown-up in a world of children who are trying to adjust to a grown-up world. In dealing with these stupid kids I find myself caught up in their immature bullcrap and I have to try and find more adult ways of dealing with these type of things. I gotta find some grown-ups to relate to...

I got an opportunity to participate on a really cool nursing research project. It is about amish lactating moms and premature infants in rural areas. I don't have much more information on it besides that. But I am sure that it will be very interesting. It will also give me a chance to find out just how far I want to go with my education. My kids are doing so well in school. You gotta love that. For a moment there, I was a little worried. But I have a feeling that things are changing in a really great way. I guess if you just hang in there, everything will fall into place. I was asked to do a presentation at my kids schools about my adventures this summer. That will be so cool. And maybe, I will also bring some of my experiences to this blog and share with you all too. Until next time...


Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Kissing butt pays off...

I am feeling a little annoyed today. And the subject of the day is kissing ass. Let's call a spade a spade, ass kissers do not make the world a better place to live in. Some people call it networking, but let's just be honest about it. There is a HUGE difference between kissing ass and networking. Networking is defined by the free dictionary as interchanging information or services among a group of persons or organizations.( ass kissing there is not a whole lot of interchange.

There are times when you have to be a little nicer to people to get what you need, like when you are trying to get the late fees waived at the library, or when you are trying to get out of a speeding ticket. The DiVa totally advocates this type of temporary ass kissing behavior. But when it becomes a permanent part of your personality, you have gone too far.

You are not endearing yourself to anyone by kissing ass. Trust me, when you turn your back there are multitudes of people waiting to stab you. Maybe people give you stuff for free when you kiss ass, but what at what cost. You are putting on a show, isn't it a bit tiring? At some point in time, don't you want to tell people that you just don't give a damn? Phoniness is so disgusting.

And the people who play in to ass kissers, why do you do it? Don't you see that you are being scammed? Is you self esteem that low that you need someone to tell you how awesome you are? How creative you are? Do you know the difference between real and fake? I have seen ass kissing get people promotions that they didn't deserve, offers for free tuition, etc.. I have seen very talented people lose jobs because they refuse to kiss ass, or because some ass kisser decided to use their powers for evil.

Alright, I'm going to get to the point. There's this girl that I know, she is a champion ass kisser. She has everyone at the office fooled into thinking that she is some poor, disadvantaged person. I will give her this, her work is very good. But it is supplemented by ass kissing that is out of this world, and she does everything in her power to make herself look better than others. By any means necessary. And lately, I have been the person that she has been trying to make look inferior. It really sucks because everyone is buying into her little ass kissing. I hate that. She kisses ass so much she should probably use toilet paper as a napkin. There is no equality in the world. I guess if I want to be recognized as a competent person with talents and abilities, I have to go to bath and body works and buy a little tub of that fruit flavored lip gloss that she uses every ten seconds. With ass kissing like that, you need a little something for the chafing. I am really sick of this crap. Sigh...


Monday, September 19, 2005

It's a girl!

We have a new addition to our house. She is adorable. Right now we haven't quite thought of a name yet, but she could possibly answer to several different names. My apologies, but this was the best picture I could get. I know absolutely nothing about animals because our mother never let us keep pets. This is a huge learning opportunity. And then again it is like having another baby in the house. Precious doesn't always use the litter box. She is picky about her food. She hates to be alone. I wonder what she does in the house all by herself.

I am beginning to think more about my trip now that I am at home. I realized that the person I was traveling with wasn't very nice at all. I can't believe I made it through the whole trip without being mean back. That is a compliment to me because that proves that I have grown as a person. I took the direct approach and told her how I felt, it only worked temporarily, and then she went back to being bitchy. I tried to be patient because I understand that we all have things that make us unique. But then, I can't blame it all on the person. A lot could be attributed to the fact that our school is so competitive. This person was so PHONY around people it was utterly embarrassing. I think that this type of behavior is something that can be translated regardless of the language barrier. It was also pretty obvious that she was trying to make herself appear better than me. I don't particularly care because I am pretty confident in me. People who know me, know that I am a decent person. I don't have to prove anything to anyone. She pretended to be be my friend. I hate being handled. She said, email me as soon as you get home and I will tell you about all the cool things happening since you have left. I will never get that email. I guarantee it. Enough about that.

Since I have been home, I have been so bored. The kids are in school all day so now what? I could try to blog in Spanish. I want to sign up for an additional Spanish class but I don't know if time will permit. I definitely want to find some salsa classes. That was something that I discovered while I was away. Salsa music is so beautiful. I am interested in learning more about wine tasting. I never thought I would ever say this, but I like red wine. I need to find a workout class to attend so that I can maintain my weight loss. I still haven't stepped on a scale yet, but I think I would like to be surprised. I could always work on cleaning up my diet. Americans eat so unhealthy. Over there, people eat a lot more fruits and vegetables. They exercise more because the public transportation is so much easier than driving everywhere. And to use public transportation, it requires you to walk more.

Now I am a little tired. I am sure that I will find something to occupy my time until it is time for me to get started on the translation of this document that I have to turn in...



Sunday, September 18, 2005

Back to the USA...

I am utterly exhausted. I left with a heavy heart. I met so many new people and had so many great experiences. I feel like a whole new person. I can't believe how I have changed. Everyone says I've lost weight. That is great. And they say I am more confident. I like that too. I have learned so much about myself and about people in general. And the country is just beautiful. La cordillera (mountains), la gente (the people), todos (everything) was just unforgetable.

I missed my family, and my children. But I have learned that as a mother and a student it is totally necessary to have some alone time. I also learned that learning doesn't always have to feel like hard work. And you shouldn't feel guilty about it. I would probably have done a lot better in school if I made more time for me. Not that I am doing bad academically, but for my overall well being, I needed a bit more alone time. And besides, Dad is doing a great job minding the shop. I should let him be in charge more often. I watched him get the kids ready for school in a half hour flat. Why can't I do that? And the house was clean too. I should go away more often.

The bills are starting to roll in now. I am a little surprised because I would probably not have spent quite as much money if I had known that my tuition bill would be coming separately. I was expecting something like this. I don't care. I cant really put a price on this experience.

When I have a little more time, I will write more.


Sunday, September 04, 2005

A few of my favorite things...

I know it's been a while folks, but I've been busy. Let's see if I can get you up to speed. For the past few weeks I have been doing a little bit of studying abroad. It has been very interesting. The above snapshot is a picture of the beautiful skyline. We have been in the community doing workshops.

Tonite I embark on a trip to visit an Indian reservation. Soon I will be returning to the states. I will be happy to return to my family, and I am sure they will be happy for me to return to them. I have been working hard at perfecting my Spanish, and taking classes in Spanish. It is definitely one thing to learn Spanish, but something all together entirely to take a class in Spanish and actually retain information that you will be tested on later. Retrospectively, I wish I had taken more Spanish classes before leaving home. I mean, I can take care of business, but I would like to improve my conversation skills.

Okay, one last picture and then I need to get ready to leave.



Saturday, August 06, 2005

I still can't believe I drank a raw egg

I am finally abroad. It has been quite a while since I have posted a message. I have been very busy getting adjusted to my new environment. I have attended classes at the university already. The professor speaks Spanish. Muy rapido. I have a hard time understanding the language, but I imagine that by the time I leave, my comprehension and communication skills in Spanish (and English) will be much better. So far, the classes that I took at the university are enough such that I can tell people what I want/need. I am impressed because I didn't think I learned anything.

The class that I am taking is about Public Health. Right now we are learning about the psychology of adult learning. We have also learned about community assessment. Even though the class is totally in Spanish, I understand the concepts and principals being taught. What will be the interesting thing is the establishment of dynamics between patient and nurse with a language barrier. We go into the community next week. It will be fun. I'm sure of it.

It is winter here. Which means, it is very cold. I have a little heater in my room that runs on gas. We can only run it when we are awake because the fumes will kill you. Before I leave for the university, I have to open all of the windows to cut down on the humidity. We share a kitchen and a bathroom. It's like HEY ARNOLD, except we do our own cooking. I live in a residency with many different people from various countries in the world. Most people speak Spanish. Our home is like a little family. We have activities that we do together. It's really cool.

Last weekend I went out partying with the girls from Spain. We drank a drink called Pisco Sour. It has raw egg white in it, (I found this out after I drank half of it). It's my favorite. Last night, I went to the party district with the girl who is assigned to me by the university to help be get oriented to the city. We had alot of fun. I danced for about five hours straight. We shut the place down. Despite my apprehension, the other student from my school and I have fast become good friends. Last night we cooked dinner together and it was one of the bedt dinners we've had away from home.

Tonight, one of the residents of our house is planning a group night out. This will be pretty exciting. I can't wait.


P.S I apologize for my spelling, this keyboard is a little different and spell check isn't working.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

One of my beautiful flowers

It's raining, it's pouring...

The Diva is looking for a new bank. My current bank has lost its mind. I was recently charged over $160 in overdraft charges. I can not understand how this is possible. They let me make a withdrawal with my ATM card when there was no money available. How can that be? I checked my account over the internet before I went to the bank. Of course this was allowed as a convenience to me. How is it convenient to pay over $160 in overdraft fees. I am a full-time student. That means I am broke! Um...that is not going to work for me, but I can't seem to find a decent bank that will meet my needs.

I am feeling a little anxiety. I don't know what to pack for my trip. I want to pack everything, but I can only take two bags. The digital camera is broken. (It's a good thing I deleted those embarrassing pics!) I have to get pictures developed. My kids are beginning to get a little emotional about the whole idea. As the time approaches, I feel like backing out. I can't do that. I stand to lose too much. The financial aid office is not giving me credit for my student loans, so the bills are starting to come. That makes me nervous because I really don't want to leave the states without that being under control. (Sigh)

I have got to get out of this funk. This is an exciting adventure for me, right? I am getting to learn about international health promotion. I am getting to perfect my Spanglish into comprehensible Spanish, right? I am going to meet some really awesome people...this is my last year of nursing school and then the real world of nursing. It all seems do overwhelming. I have so much to learn still. I hope this is normal.

Okay, time to give myself a pep talk and work on my positive inner dialogue:

You are going to be an awesome nurse, Diva. Your family is counting on you. You are the hope for your family. How about your fiance? And your children? Your nieces and nephews? Your younger siblings? Your parents? They all look up to you. You are accomplishing things that they have only dreamed. If you are successful, they will see that they too can achieve great things if they are determined. If you give up now, you will show everyone that they were right about you. You can do it! I know you can. Just get up, take a shower, get dressed and do what you need to do. You have good potential. Find a way to make this work.

But, I'm tired...

Stop whining! We are all tired. You aren't exempt from hard work. It gives you character. Come on now, I am not going to let you sabotage yourself. Do you really want to be up all night packing? You have over a twelve hour flight. Do you actually think that you will be able to sleep on the plane?

No, but I need help.

Help with what? You have scoured the internet for packing lists. You know what you need to bring. You have gathered all sorts of advice. What more do you need? Here's what you need to do. Drink a cup of warm tea. Take a short nap and revisit the whole packing thing.

But I don't have time for napping. This is it. I have no more time for BS. I have to get serious.

What are you going to do?

I am going to take a shower, get dressed and go to the bank and talk to them about my account. If I am not satisfied, I'm going to close my account. Then I am going to find a new bank that will better suit my needs.

Good! Then what?

I am going to take my film to the drugstore for the one hour photo processing. I will go and fill out all of my last minute paperwork. I am going to come home and get serious about my packing. I will finish early so that I can go say goodbye to my family, then me and my fiance are going to hang out for the rest of the evening. I am a phenomenal woman!

That's the Diva I know and love!

Okay, I'm all better now...


Monday, July 25, 2005

What a surprise!

Today, my mother-in-law to be called me over to see her before I leave because she is proud of me, and she wanted to give me a gift for sticking it out in nursing school. When someone calls you on the phone and says something like, "I am so proud of you for going back to school." I never realized that my decision to return to school touched so many people in a positive way. I have inspired people, and gave hope to people, just by deciding to go back to school at my age. That was something that I never expected. And everytime I think about it, I am amazed. In the beginning, I had a lot of skeptics say to me, "How are you going to do that?" "You're just a single mom, it isn't fair to your family." "How will you make it without working?" Somehow, I found a way to get through most of the hard times. Believe me, there were many.

Like the time my family could no longer help me and I had to find a way to finish out the semester with no daycare. Or when I had to fight about a reasonable schedule for getting my hours completed. I must say though, throughout my experience I never turned in an assignment late. When I started reading nursing blogs, I noticed that most of them talked about this wonderful, glowing nursing school experience and how great they were doing. That is not very honest. I am not afraid to say it out loud. Nursing school is TOUGH! Not everyone has the Florence Nightingale experience. I have failed a test before. At least once a semester I threaten to quit. It is hard work, but it is a labor of love. It is my passion. I can't imagine doing any other type of work. I have a lot of good support.

I know I complain about school most of the time. They aren't so bad...I guess. (Let me not get too carried away.) To be completely honest, I have learned a lot. I talk about some of my highly critical clinical instructors, but along the way I have had some pretty awesome ones too. My OB clinical instructor was very kind, and encouraging. My med-surg instructor wrote the most objective review I have ever had written by an employer/faculty. It was so precise, it didn't say that I was perfect, but it didn't make me feel like I should reconsider my career choice either. It was so honest, I was thinking about attaching it to my resume...Seriously! My acute care/critical care clinical advisor was very clear about things that I need to focus on in becoming a better nurse. I could probably call on these people anytime for help.

I want to say this to all and anyone who is reading this blog that what I write is from my perspective as a nursing student. Sometimes I am happy, and sometimes I am really pissed off. If you are seriously considering nursing as a profession, GO FOR IT! Try it out. I am glad I did. You will find out that you will touch the lives of others in really good ways, without even knowing it.


BTW, I have made no progress with my packing. I will be leaving in a few days for study abroad. I can't believe that time is going so quickly!

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Since I am beginning to get some comments...

I have created an email address especially for this blog, (it's in the profile). Feel free to send me an email, if you want. School starts for me early, so I may be a while getting back but I will respond. Promise.


Thursday, July 21, 2005

In a week I will be in a foreign country

I can't believe how quickly the time has passed. I am feeling a plethora of emotions about my trip. Yesterday, I had a meeting with the administration of my school. They gave me the same talk that my mother gave me and my brother in the car before we went into a store. I felt like such a liability. "Don't make a fool of yourself." "Don't act like a tourist." "You are representing our fine institution, so don't make us look bad." "If you go there and misbehave, they may never accept an exchange student from our fine institution again." Some of the things that we talked about were good, and for the first time ever I feel like they prepared me well for an experience. But at the same time, a lot of what they said was common sense and I was mildly insulted, but hey I guess I can't say I didn't know any better.

I am a grown-up, I guess talking to them about my feelings as a non-traditional student during the course of my schooling gave them the impression that I have a negative attitude, incredibly low self-esteem and that I have a critical eye for everything. This is my huge opportunity to show them that they got me all wrong. I am a perfectionist when it comes to my work. The people at my school can be very rude. I was not prepared for being talked to like an idiot, or being treated like a moron when I ask a question in class. But I think all of that will make me a better nurse in the long run. I feel like I can handle anything after living through that experience.

I won't be alone. Another person is traveling with me. I don't know her very well, and I am not sure how things will pan out with us working together. I found out that we will be working on totally different projects. I also found out that there are not many people there who speak English. ¡Gracias Dios para las clases de español! ¿Qué yo harí­a sin mis clases? Everything we are scheduled to do is in Spanish. Even the syllabus and lecture is in Spanish. I am thinking about extending my trip so that I can explore the continent. I am not thrilled about the idea of exploring this foreign country alone, but if I develop a relationship with the person I am supposed to be traveling with I may consider it.

Well, I guess I should get back to packing and preparing. I will post again before I leave, once I get there and whenever I get lonely. I am taking my digital camera, so you can expect a few pics too!


Tuesday, June 28, 2005

It's Officially Summer

I don't know what it is doing where you live, but it is hot here. I have been sweating profusely for the past week. My flowers are on the verge of drying out. My kids are beginning to prune from being wet all day and night. I am not complaining. At least it's not raining. Spanish is going well. For the past few weeks we have had a wonderful teacher. Today we had a sub who was equally wonderful. The true test of my Spanish speaking skills will be called to the test in the near future. I am traveling to a spanish speaking foreign country in a few weeks. My kids don't get to be traumatized because I am only going to be gone for a few weeks.

I am so excited about going abroad. I wonder what to pack. It will be fun to see how my fiance handles the children in my absence. His Dad skills are finally going to be put to the test. He said that this is his big chance to show the kids that Dads are fun too. I can't wait! I am stepping up my workout so that I can handle the altitude.

327 days before graduation! (Or 10 months and 23 days)


Monday, June 20, 2005

yeah, yeah....

Soy cansada, muy cansada. Este fin de semana, visito con mi famila. Llevé los niños a la clase de nadando. Entonces, fuimos a el restaurante de los chino. Pago ciento dolares para la comida. Soy enojada. Las comidas y la precios no tiene el mismo valor. Los niños fueron contentos. En Sabado, Llevo los niños a la playa. El agua era frío, pero los niños jugaron. Hoy, cociné cena para mi familia para el dia de los padre.

(I think my spanish is getting better...practice makes perfect!)

I heard word about my study abroad. I will be leaving around the end of the month. Woo-hoo! My flowers are growing and so are the weeds. I finally broke down and bought some round-up and pesticide. I can't wait until things start to blossom. When this happens I will post pictures.


Sunday, June 05, 2005

It's 10:48pm and all is well...

Summer classes are going well. The family is doing well. Adjusting to my hair...well, it's coming along. I really am beginning to like my new hairstyle. I am spending time with the family, which is something that I have had to give up for a while. I think that my family is appreciating the time spent. We went on a picnic, and to the pool, and to the park. I can't wait for summer. I decided to take two classes in a sequence at the same time. I know, it sounds crazy, but I think I can handle it. It turns out I will have to master two chapters in a week, prepare two presentations a week and take two exams a week for the next five weeks. The I am free for the rest of the summer. I can do it!

Last night I was talking to my children, nieces, nephews and a few kids from the neighborhood. I am finding that kids these days know a whole lot more about sex than one would think. One of my neighbors kids told me that her mother had sex three times because she had three children. That is a logical connection that I am not sure that I would want my daughter to make at eight years old. I am not sure that this kid is the best influence for my 6 year old. In recent times I have heard my daughter say some undesirable things. Time to play catch up. I have really got to get my children enrolled into a swim class so they can learn how to swim. I have to teach my children how to ride their bikes. I need to really get to know my son better. I have to push my daughter out of the nest a little more. This stage of their life will go by so fast. I am hoping to make up for some lost time.

More hair talk and then I am going to get myself ready for next week. I am finding the conveniece of my hairstyle to be so great. Currently, I am doing the trial and error thing with my hair. Some products work better than others, but I find that my hair is very dry. Since I am not doing a whole lot of fussing over my hair, it is beginning to grow.

Speaking of growing, my garden is coming along so nicely. The sunflower foliage is beginning to come up. The stargazer lilies, tiger lilies, and sweet pea are finally coming up as well. I was pulling up weeds today and noticed that the calla lilies that I have been waiting for are finally starting to break the surface. My only concern at this time are the roses. I recently planted three rose bushes. One of my rose bushes seem to be having yellow leaves and barren branches all the time. I gave them each 2/3 of a gallon of water plus miracle grow. I am hoping that it will make a difference somehow. Otherwise, I will have to dig them up, examine the roots and replant them. Not a problem...I am free for at least another month and a half.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

I did the most radical thing yesterday...

I cut off almost all of my hair and dyed it.

I can't believe I did it. It is so different now. My fiance LOVES it, my parents haven't seen it yet. I am a little nervous about being in the public because it is such a dramatic change. So why did I do it? I wanted to be free...and a little rebellious. I think I have taken the DIVA thing to a whole different level. I'm not used to seeing some of my facial features in such great detail. I usually keep enough bangs to hide behind. Maybe it is time for me to stop hiding behind my hair and be outrageous. I am fierce I tell you, FIERCE!

In a way it makes me feel more mature looking. I'm not sure how I feel about my transformation. It is certainly going to take some getting used to. My new look has a kind of androgenous, punk rock feel to it. I want to feminize just a little bit. I may need to start wearing lipstick and earrings. (My hairstylist suggested that I get a tee shirt that says "I like guys!") Or maybe I won't. This could be fun. I had a perm before and it has been a long time since I have seen my natural hair and to be honest, it's not that bad. I am hoping that this change will help me to love myself just a bit more and feel more comfortable in my own skin. I want it to enhance my self esteem.

I heard Dr. Phil say something really cool yesterday. He was helping this family where the Mom was battling a serious drug addiction. She was resisting his help and in doing so she was saying some insulting things to Dr. Phil. I think she said, "I don't believe in what you do!" He said the most remarkable thing. He told the woman that what she said to him didn't bother him a bit because his self worth was not dependent on her acceptance. It made me think about some things. I had an epiphany. All my life, my self worth has been dependent on the acceptance of others. If someone said that I was a bitch, I internalized it and tried to alter my behavior to gain acceptance. No more. Today is a new day. And moving forward I have a new mantra:

I am who I am. I'm not at all bothered by your comments negative or otherwise because my self worth is not dependent on your acceptance. Once I have communicated my point of view in a pleasant manner,(of course and take your thoughts and feelings under careful consideration), if I still feel that I am being reasonable, I will no longer apologize for your lack of understanding. I refuse to change my personality to please you and if you don't like me, that's your problem and your just gonna have to deal with it!

...The DIVA

Disclaimer: My new mantra is meant to enhance the present values and belief systems currently in place. It will in no way effect the high quality of care that I consistently provide for patients. I will always respect the belief systems, values and feelings of others. The intent of my new life perspective is to protect me from people who treat me with a lack of respect. I will always stand up for what is right, and people are going to stop walking all over me. Personal growth makes the world a better place to live in.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

I received my report card today and...

I made dean's list. Congrats to me. I feel so accomplished considering that this past semester was hell. I am preparing for summer and my final year of nursing school. I finished my finals at the other college I am attending. Now I just wait for the grade report. I paid for my summer classes yesterday. Believe me, nothing is going to stop me now.

I am working on my garden, sort of like avoidance behavior from the housework. I can't wait for something to start growing. I watch the dirt everyday expecting something to come out of it. I have never done this before, but I think it may be addicting. I am trying to find more things to read on the internet to enhance my knowledge.

The house is coming along. My boyfriend/fiance has been helping out. The kids seem pretty excited about the renovations. I can't wait to see the finished product. I am a little nervous about sleeping in the basement. I saw a centipede and nearly had a MI! Soon I am going to buy the paint. Then I can get the ball rolling. I still have to get rid of some stuff. That will be the hard part. We'll see how things go.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

My house is getting a makeover...and the Diva is in charge

Today I got rid of all my old furniture. In a way it is a relief because it was heavy, and dark. It drew heat and it was as old as my son. In feng shui principle, the furniture absorbed a lot of the energy. Now that it is gone, I can feel the flow of the chi. As I see my old furniture sitting on the curb, I realize that it held a lot of good memories. It was my very first living room set in my very first house. It served us well. The sectional was finally giving out on us. The tables were impossible to clean. But, change is inevitable, and it is definitely time for a change.

Even though the furniture is gone, the house still seems full. My next task is to wash and prepare the walls for paint. But before I do that, I need to clean the carpet and take everything out of the kids' room and organize it. I am going to clean off my desk and re-arrange it. I'll be filing all of my notes chronologically. I am really pumped because I bought new furniture from Pier One Imports. The house it going to have more of an ethnic feel. That in and of itself is going to be a huge change.

The kids have decided that they want a mural painted on their bedroom walls. My son asked for Spiderman, and my daughter wants one of the Bratz on her wall (Sasha, I think). My fiance is a pretty good artist and he is confident that he can make their mural happen. For his sake, I hope he can. I would like to have a willow tree painted on my bedroom wall, otherwise I am painting the walls amethyst. I want to do something interesting with the upstairs bathroom. Maybe grape and lime green will be the color scheme.

The amazing thing is that I have only spent $1000. That is not bad at all for a whole house makeover including furniture. I know one thing for sure, after I buy the paint, I am putting the bank book away for a while! Soon after that, it's back to school time. In order to graduate on time, I will need to take two classes over the summer.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Blogging at the speed of light

Today the sun is shining. My fiance is the most wonderful man in the world. I love him so very much. Today he said one of the most beautiful things to me and I am feeling so uplifted. I have been having a pretty disappointing semester, and he has been my light at the end of the tunnel. I would marry him today but he will screw up my financial aid package. We are going to be married, just not right now. First I need to graduate from school and secure a job.

My front yard is looking AWESOME. My neighbor came over yesterday and cleaned up the beds. Now to decide what type of foliage and flowers will accentuate the greenness of my house, (which by the was is in desperate need of power washing. I have been advised that my children will be spending the summer with grandma. This is a surprise. I did want to spend some of my time with them this summer since I am planning to spend the Fall abroad.

Wish me luck, tomorrow I am going to ask a big favor. I'll let you know the details after the big meeting.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Nursing makes you lose weight...who knew?

Today I climbed up on the scale to find, (to my amazement), that I have lost ten pounds. I thought I'd check it out because one of my peer thought I looked slimmer. I'll take it and somehow try to keep it going. My critical care exam went relatively well, but it appears that I won't be getting my sparkling "A". Ah well, perhaps it was meant to "B" pun intended. Tomorrow's presentation is set and ready to go. I am presently working on one last project and then, I have an online exam and then two more in-class exams and the summer school. You see, it never ends.

I am going to study abroad despite the advice I have received telling me I shouldn't. I think that I will learn more than I ever could because I can focus and I am out of my comfort zone. I am hoping that this will instill a sense of independence in my son as an added bonus. I guess we'll see about that. Shhh! I'm not telling him until July, that way he will focus on more important matters.

We had a lot of fun today. We went out shopping for a bed for my daughter, then we stopped by my Mom's for a quick visit. Then, our little family went to the Chinese buffet with my kids, my fiance and my two nieces. Everyone had a really great time talking and trying out different foods that were on display. Our family is pretty well known at this establishment because I find that cooking is a pain in the butt when you have 1,000 other things to do. And besides, no dishes for me to wash.

After reading over my blog, I realize that I do quite a bit of complaining. Despite appearances, I must honestly say, I do enjoy nursing. I think love is a better word to use to describe my relationship with nursing, but I genuinely feel that there should be some sort of people skills class included in our curriculum. Just because I have noticed (from reading other student nurse blogs) that we nurses have a tendency to take feedback more personally and some of us need some help on giving feedback more constructively.

Anyway, I will enjoy learning Spanish this summer. I hope that I find it to be useful in my travels as a professional nurse. I have always wondered if having a 4.0 GPA is important after graduating nursing school. I guess as long as you pass the state boards you will be okay. I should probably sleep a little before the morning chase begins.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Hey, even the DIVA makes mistakes

I know I am not perfect. When the DIVA is wrong, she is wrong. And I can humble myself and apologize. I am immature. I am childish, but hey isn't that part of growing up? Learning from your mistakes and moving on? At times we are all childish, I won't take it personally. I overreacted once again and hurt the people that I have come to know as my friends. But in the midst of all this "honesty", I must confess that the true colors of people have been revealed and sometimes roses really smell like doo-doo! Let us not forget, they had to do SOMETHING or the DIVA wouldn't have been mad in the first place.

Here's what I learned:

At the time that our group was working on the project, I did feel as though there was a total lack of consideration for my contributions. Instead of talking to people face to face, I sent emails. Even though emails are the wave of the future, it isn't necessarily the best way to communicate. Moving forward, the DIVA will make arrangements to meet with, or talk to people on the phone. Even if that means that I have to leave messages every hour until I get what I need.

There was a meeting with the group and my instructor. She opened the door for us to talk about what happened in our group, and ways that we could improve for future group assignments. The one person of my group whom I thought I knew pretty well, pretty much made me to be the culprit, or bad guy if you will. The thing that confuses me is that when the whole project was going on, she agreed with me. In front of the professor, she turned against me. She even brought up personal phone conversations that we had. She turned that meeting into a personal attack against the DIVA. Moving forward, the DIVA will not be confiding or trusting anyone with anything! If I have something to say, I will say it to the person directly.

In groups, there is always that one person who never does anything, but collects the "A" with all the other group members. You know who you are. You're always sick, or busy. WTF? Sometimes the DIVA is busy, but I still pull a late nighter to get things done. What makes you any better than me? This is a touchy thing because even if the DIVA only does her part and the group gets a bad grade, no matter how hard I work on my part, I still share the bad grade. I have a tendency to spread myself thinly for the benefit of others. Let me tell you, it goes unappreciated. Moving forward, the DIVA will to her share of the work, and that's it. If there is a problem with sharing the workload, the DIVA will notify the prof immediately to intervene. When people need me,I will selectively help people at my own convenience.

Any who, my presentation was awesome. I think that might have been an attributing factor to my group's resentment. But hey, if someone hadn't had a power surge, we would have had an awesome presentation too. My goal was not to make anyone look bad, it was to clear the air and see if we couldn't start over. I think if anything, the fact that they did the presentation without me made them look bad. My doing my own presentation was my feeble attempt to save face in front of my peers. Will I be friends with these women ever again? I don't know, but I know things will never be the same. My closest friends asked that I don't let this situation harden my heart. I will do my best.

Finals are almost over. (Thank God!) I don't think that I did too bad on the critical care exam. (Fingers crossed) I feel so goofy because I totally forgot about a presentation that I had due. I never forget usually. Luckily my prof is going to let me do it on Thursday. I guess I will get back to studying...

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

You know that saying...

Things get worse before they get better? I sure hope it's true.

I have had one hell of a semester, and thank God it is almost over. The group project is a fiasco. It has turned into mutiny. Now I have to defend myself before the prof so that she doesn't fail me. Things are about to get dirty, because if I fail...everybody is failing. Nurse Diva in full effect. I am really disappointed in my teammates and former so-called friends. I guess I am also a little surprised that they turned against me. But hey, I'm not perfect and neither are they. I am taking no prisoners. Everybody's going down.

Clinical was a little better yesterday. It's amazing, one day everybody is mean to each other, the five minutes later or even next day they are best friends. I think that nurses as a whole are bipolar. I don't really know if I am cut out for this. I am a person who is compassionate and thoughtful. I think that giving a person a cool drink of water or holding their hand is a simple gesture of care. If I care for you, I will give you the best I have to offer. I don't have to be your best friend to do it, I do it because it's who I am. You don't have to ask, if I see that you need something I just jump in and try to help, instinctively. I don't want any noteriety, I do things because I can. I wish I could be different, because when people let me down, I feel so hurt.

Despite my recent disappointment, I believe that I will rise above adversity. The rose that blooms in the midst of adversity is the most beautiful of all.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005


I have been doing a lot of reflecting. The last time I wrote about a group project that went awry. I did a really aggressive thing and I told the culprit of my agony exactly how I felt. I guess sometimes things are better left unsaid. I removed myself from the situation and frankly, now I am pondering how one knows if a person is truly a friend. I have been in nursing school now for two and a half years. Because I attend such a pretensious school, I never really felt that I belong. I feel that intellectually, I can match any twenty-something any day of the week, but the social strain is becoming more than I can bear. And the main thing that bothers me the most is that the woman with whom I had my disagreement is closer to my own age than anyone in the group. Maybe the Nurse Diva is not as together as she thinks.

When I started nursing school, I wanted to be a totally different person by the time I graduated. I thought that having a bachelor's degree would give me more confidence and higher self-esteem. And I must say, I do feel a little more confident, but I am constantly doubting myself. I know that my experience in this group project was bad, and when the others talk to me, they agree that it was bad. But now I find myself on the outside of our once cohesive group. The person responsible for my disenchantment wants to talk to me. I am too angry for that right now, and furthermore, I feel that the damage is already done. I know that I am an excellent writer when it comes to schoolwork. I have the compassion that is required to successfully become a nurse, but I have problems with conflict. When I take the high road, I feel lousy because I feel like the whole world is stepping on me. And when I let people know how I really feel, I feel like a bitch. Is there a happy medium?

There was an incident in clinicals the other day where I felt one of the nurses was being particularly rude. I told her about it, and now it seems that everyone on staff in the unit is making my final days a living HELL. Now, had I been rude, someone would have conveniently told my clinical instructor and I would have been in BIG TROUBLE. Had I took the high road, this person would feel that I am just someone that can be walked all over because I am a student nurse and she is a big time, seasoned professional nurse. This is evidenced by the fact that a few of the nurses were in the lounge telling these "How can you tell a student nurse" jokes.

So, the group did the project without me. It kind of makes me seem like a huge jerk. I had a family emergency involving my kids and I needed to be late and they started without me. The instructor acted as though I did nothing to help the group. I did edit the final copy and format the APA. I also devised the discussion questions. I offered to do a power point but it was felt that it was "un-necessary". It's probably a good thing since I missed the presentation anyway. I am tempted to tell the instructor the problems that our group had and offer to do another one by myself. Maybe I'll just wait.

I guess from now on I will go to school. I will keep my head down and do my work. No more worries about social stuff. Pure academia.

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Today the Diva is PISSED OFF!

Okay, I am sharing with you all today because I am mad, and I can't say exactly how I feel to the party that I am mad at until I get this off my chest.

This whole thing starts off with a class that we are taking in nursing school. The assignment was to find a nursing procedure, take each step and find the evidenced based rationale and then come up with two discussion questions for a 10 minute presentation. Simple, right? No! This is a group project. I and three other of my esteemed classmates are working together. I thought that I would be proactive and start looking for articles. I found ten. One day after class, we were all talking about how to proceed with the project, our topic was indwelling urinary catheters. I suggested that our class discussion questions pertain to infection control and rationales for catheter use because most of the articles talked about these two topics at length. Most of us are in clinicals for 12 hours at a time or everyday for 8 hours because we have to complete 150 before the end of the semester. Everyone was in agreement with the plan.

They asked that I forward the articles that I found so that we could start working on the project, which was fine with me. I chose the longest article which was 50 pages in length. One of the members of the group had a problem with my work because she is a "perfectionist". She had to send and email to the professor to clarify the terms of the project, this I have no problem with. She re-did all of my research and disregarded anything that I contributed to the project. She accused me of taking over the project. Needless to say, I am pissed off. Why wasn't my work good enough? These aren't women that I am working with for the first time, this one woman (in particular) is one that I thought I was very close to. We are the oldest students in the class, we are the most consciencious. The other two women are also wondering what the hell is wrong with this lady.

My feelings are hurt. Even though I am a Diva, I am very sensitive to other's feelings and I never had any intention of taking over. I share and give of my self without reservation. She said that it's not like she doesn't think that what I have is not good, but that she really needs a good grade. I guess the Nurse Diva is going to have to be a Nurse Bitch and let this person have it on Monday. She is guilty of what it is that she is accusing me of. I am not a bad student. For the most part I have A's and a few B's, but hey I'll be the first to admit that I am not perfect.

I had 12.5 hours of clinical today. I had a patient who was 51 years old and a victim of diabetes insipidus. She was blind, had renal insufficiency and an insulin drip. That was loads of fun. I am a little disappointed because that I thought that I would get to take care of patients on a respirator. You know, the non-communicative patients that are very, very sick. But since cold and flu season is over, there aren't very many people on the vent. It is now GI bleed season, and of course MI season. I guess I'll get back to work on this stupid project, I hope that this lady thinks that my contribution is acceptable.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

And now...a word from the DIVA


I know it has been a while, but here I am again. I have been so busy. I don't know where to start. Well, I passed my arterial blood gas exam. I am preparing for the ECG interpretation exam. ECGs are as easy to interpret as differentiation between breath sounds. What sounds like crackles to me is simply clear throughout with diminished bases bilaterally. I am in the ICU for clinicals. I never realized this before, but most people in the ICU die in a very organized fashion. Irregular tachycardia, tachypnea, low sats, bradypnea, bradycardia, v-fib, apnea, asystole. There it is. I think I am enjoying my experience, but I haven't really had the opportunity to take care of patients on the respirator. The semester isn't over yet. I still have 33 hours left to complete.

About the whole CPS investigation, I am learning a lot about the process. As it turns out, I was not reported for abuse or neglect. I was reported for suspicious marks. Hmm...interesting. This woman who has been our caseworker has been so annoying. I have to hide from her so I can get my homework done and make it to class on time. She comes over at least once a week and calls no less than twice. When she comes over, she tries her best to impress her values on me and get this...she doesn't have ANY kids. And yet she is in a position to tell me how I should go about taking care of my business. She tells me that I should MAKE people help me. I am curious to know what she can MAKE her husband do. I finally got the official report from the pediatrician confirming my innocence, so it should only be a matter of time. Needless to say, the house is still a mess. This is to be expected when you are a single mother and a full-time student. I have a few weeks before I start summer school, and I plan on re-doing the arrangement of my house to facilitate easy cleaning. I am going to move to the basement and give my room to my daughter. That way, my son will have his own space, and my daughter will have her own space. I plan on letting them pick out their own paint and decor. I am getting rid of all my big furniture and scaling down to just a futon, a coffee table, a jute rug and a papasan. This should be pretty interesting.

Spanish is coming along very nicely I must say. I didn't feel very prepared for my most recent exam, but I did pretty well. To enhance my Spanish, I am making arrangements to travel abroad for the fall semester for eight weeks. I talked to the kids about it and they seem okay with it. My son isn't all that thrilled because I will be away on his birthday. I told him that if he has good behavior while I am gone, I will give him a big party with whatever he wants to eat. This summer I am taking both intermediate Spanish classes intensively. I can't wait!

And now back to your regularly scheduled program

Friday, March 25, 2005

Back again, couldn't resist!

I decided to come back and blog a little. This is avoidance behavior. I am supposed to be cleaning the house. A few days ago, my son got the brilliant idea to tell the people at his elementary school that I beat him. Before you start thinking I am a horrible mother, let me explain what happened.

My son is a sweet child. He never really adjusted to being a big brother, and since the birth of my daughter, he has felt like an outsider. I noticed that he is gradually pulling away from the family and retreating to his room. He has always been a little spoiled. I had him when I was 22, and I was 27 when I had my daughter. I thought that it would always be me and him against the world. We have made it through a lot of tough times together. Maybe I didn't wait enough time between my kids.

Anyway, it is spring and I decided to let him wear a short sleeve shirt. His father has been getting on me about his arms. He scratches them constantly and as a result, he has little scabs and spots with varying degrees of healing. I guess his counselor at school thought there was need for concern, so she called child protective services. The child protective service comes to the school and pulled both of my children out of class. They asked them questions and made them get undressed. They took pictures of any suspicious marks and sent them back to class. What makes things worse is that my son told the people that I beat him. I can't believe that. Why he did it, I have no idea, but now the CPS wants to come and do a walk through of my house.

I am a full-time single mom student. What that means in layman's terms? The house is a wreck! During the semester, I have no time for housework, I catch everything up on break. This time while I was on break, I had to do community service for school which meant I didn't get to clean my house. I don't even know where to start. Maybe I will have to take the advice of hiring someone to come and clean once in a while. My mother thinks that is ridiculous. She seems to think that I should be able to make it happen. Too late now, gotta start hiding stuff.

I am very tired. I want to strangle my son. My advisor talks to me like a puppy. I have a Spanish test on Tuesday, and as I said before clinicals all day Saturday and Sunday. I had better get started on this house. It can't be that bad. At least there is no cat poop between my sheets. I better be idle threats could be considered endangering. I really didn't beat him...I swear!

Today I heard a lecture about poverty. It was pretty interesting. Our speaker talked about a little girl who was murdered a while ago. He said that the identification of her body was delayed because she had never been to a dentist. No dental records, no identity...well there's always DNA. Anywho, this whole thing got me thinking. Where do we begin to address the problem of poverty? It seems like an onion with layer after layer of issues. To provide work, you have to train people in a trade, or help them to develop a skill, then there has to be inexpensive day care for those who need it. Then there has to be jobs available. Then the schools need funding for education. Then some families need medical assistance. And public assistance is a complete waste. With the energy that our government spends to keep certain groups from taking advantage of public assistance, they are overlooking the people who really need the help and can't get it. I was thinking about it. People have to complete a maze to get to assistance. Here's an example:

When I first graduated from high school years and years ago, I tried to go to college. I applied for student aid and I was being considered under my parents income even though I didn't live with them. My parents didn't feel comfortable releasing their personal information and so the whole school thing got put on hold. A few years passed. I decided to go back to school after I had my son. The doors of education swung wide open. I got a pell grant, and a perkins loan and I could have gotten a stafford. Having a baby made me independent.

The point I am trying to make is that once you have a child and you are not really making any money, then you can get the help you need. But not many people know that. The government offers daycare assistance, but there are income guidelines associated with that assistance. If you make too much money, you have bigger co-pays and you can eventually lose the assistance. If people work too much, they can't afford daycare. If they work not enough, they can afford daycare, but not rent and food. He also talked about the deserving and the undeserving poor. The purpose of the lecture was to get us to remember that poor people are people too. They have feelings. I know all to well how it is to be less fortunate, but some of the younger students really needed to hear this lecture. It was a very interesting.

Okay, okay, okay! I am going to get started on this housework.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Critical care is going well

This past week was my first in an ICU. ICU has always been a little bit intimidating for me because I was once told that patients are generally sent to the ICU when death is imminent. I know that the patients are generally more sick that those who are on a general med-surg floor but they can survive, my mother has been in an ICU before and she is alive and well even though she manages various chronic illnesses. And then there have been people who were sick and placed on a general med-surg floor that have expired somewhat unexpectedly. Medicine is a mixed bag, you never know what you're going to get.

In the short time that I have been in the ICU, I have already had a patient die. She was a 60 year old female with a variety of chronic illnesses. She was on a ventilator and dialysis and she had a below the knee amputation. She was unable to speak, and I was trying to communicate with her by watching her eyes, reading her expressions and making suggestions. Her family wanted her to be a full code, which means that if she were to arrest, they wanted us to try and bring her back to life. Anyway, she went into respiratory failure and despite our best efforts, she passed away.

I have been spending quite a bit if time lately thinking about quality of life, especially with the whole Terri Schiavo stuff going on. When Terri had her first collapse she was about my age. I couldn't even begin to imagine spending the next 8-10 years of my life attached to a feeding tube, stuck in bed. My motivation for living would be my children, but would I really want them to see me like that? I wonder what Terri would say if she could momentarily come to and know that her picture has been splattered all over TV with her in a persistent vegitative state. I'm only a little chubby and I don't even want my family to take pictures of me!

This is going to be a rotation that is eye-opening. It is going to be a learning experience that I will never forget. I am not able to write the post that I want to right now because I have to get to Spanish class pretty soon, but I plan on working this Saturday and Sunday. (Yes, I have to work Easter. 12 hours!) After that, I will have some time to share.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

I wish it was 2006

If it were 2006, I would be preparing for graduation. I would be done with all of my clinicals. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE nursing. I HATE being a student sometimes. I am so tired of the bureaucracy of school, I would QUIT if I didn't owe thousands of dollars in loans and could find a job where I could make enough money to pay back the money I borrowed.

Many people wonder why students decide to go to a community college to get their RN. I can tell you why. First of all, community colleges respect non-traditional students. Really, they do. They respect the fact that we are serious about our educational endeavors. They help us when we need help and encourage us to ask questions. They do whatever they can to be sure that we make it. Colleges and universities are so quick to say that they want the non traditional students. (I will be fair, not all colleges and universities are this way.)

But when we (the non-traditionals) come there do they make their programs accomodate us? No. There are no evening or weekend programs for those of us who need to work. I have even heard that certain directors of nursing say do you want to be a nurse, or mother? If you want to be a mother, best of luck, but if you want to be a nurse you better do those hours. But we are not here to help you with your kids. Be late paying tuition. We know how to find you then.

Money is the root of all evil. But you know what the saddest thing is about all of this? Most of these administrators that I speak of....ARE NURSES! Registered, BSN, MSN, PhD nurses! What the hell kind of example are you setting here? They have degrees in psychology, pediatrics, etc. and they could care less what toll this experience has on us emotionally or psychologically.

Advice for those who are shopping nursing schools? Know what you are getting yourself into. Check out the curriculum. Find out what is required of you in advance. Don't let the niceness of the people fool you. They will be nice because they want the school to look inticing. They will be VERY nice in order to lure you in. Find someone who is currently in the program. Talk to them when there is no one else around (faculty/or recruiter). Meet them for coffee. Ask them how stressful it was and if they felt that they received good support.