Thursday, September 22, 2005

Nature is cool!

I feel kind of tired today. I went on a field trip. They tried to walk me to darn death! But I survived. It was really pretty too.

I think I have become paranoid about the ass kissing. That is not normal. But the ass kisser has brain washed me into thinking that I am some kind of psycho. (I am normal, I am normal.) When I explain my situation to others, they agree that I am not crazy. But I still feel crazy. What if ass kissing syndrome is contagious? What if I turn into one of these dreaded creatures as a result of the positive reinforcement that comes with buttering a person up to the point they want to hang out with me so they can hear me say nice things that make them feel good about themselves. And then I get addicted to the fact that sometimes I get free stuff and consideration for things that other people get passed up on? I wanna be me, I wanna be free! I wanna be free to be me! What if I am an ass kissee? What if I like to hear people say nice things, and I end up being one of those people who give people special priviledges because they say nice things about me? NEVER! What a nightmare...

I just want to be done with school so I can just focus on working and my family. But I plan on going on to get more education, so I think that I should try to work on ways to deal with people better. I tried the "let-a-person-fall-on-their-face-and-make-an-ass-of-themself" approach and I think it is pretty effective, but I am a person that likes immediate gratification. Sometimes it takes too long for a person to fall on their face. I have tried the "tell-the-person-how-you-feel-and-screw- their-feelings-no-apologies" approach, but my conscience wont let me be that direct. Deep down, if a person were to treat me like that I would be like a wreck. Furthermore, the results are only temporary. The person returns to the ignorant behavior in time. Additionally, when I tell a person how I feel, I am considered to be unprofessional. I could always "give-a-bitch-a-smack", it is very effective, but that could also land me in jail.

I could do the "be-a-suck-up-and-ignore-everyone-and-suffer-in-silence" approach, but that is too close to being like an ass kisser. I think I will do the "I-am-what-I-am-take-it-or-leave-it-because-I-am-a-human-being-who-makes-mistakes-and-I-am-big-enough-to-apologize-for-it-because-I-am-just-that-okay-with-myself-and-if-you-don't-like-it-take-a-leap-biotch" approach. Basically, I am a grown-up in a world of children who are trying to adjust to a grown-up world. In dealing with these stupid kids I find myself caught up in their immature bullcrap and I have to try and find more adult ways of dealing with these type of things. I gotta find some grown-ups to relate to...

I got an opportunity to participate on a really cool nursing research project. It is about amish lactating moms and premature infants in rural areas. I don't have much more information on it besides that. But I am sure that it will be very interesting. It will also give me a chance to find out just how far I want to go with my education. My kids are doing so well in school. You gotta love that. For a moment there, I was a little worried. But I have a feeling that things are changing in a really great way. I guess if you just hang in there, everything will fall into place. I was asked to do a presentation at my kids schools about my adventures this summer. That will be so cool. And maybe, I will also bring some of my experiences to this blog and share with you all too. Until next time...

DiVa

1 comment:

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