Saturday, December 17, 2005

Bah Humbug!

X-mas is in 8 days and I don't have the spirit yet. I feel like a Scrooge. I have yet to put up a tree. My son is going to fly to the Midwest for the first time to visit my ex-husband's family. So it is just me, my husband-to-be and my daughter. My Mom is spending the holiday with my sister and brother in the South. My father doesn't really do X-mas. My husband-to-be has the flu. And my daughter doesn't believe in Santa anymore. Sigh...

I have so much work to do for school this month. At the moment I had to take an incomplete in all of my classes because I had some issues to deal with. What this translates to is me writing almost 10 papers in the next month. You gotta love it. I am lacking motivation because I feel overwhelmed with work. I have to do really well on all of my work coming due because I can't get anything less than an "A" in any class for the next two semesters if I want to graduate with honors in May. The pressure is on!

So why is graduating with honors so important to me? I feel like I have something to prove with myself. I have always been a pretty good student, up until probably the 9th grade when I discovered boys. And then of course, I was working on Erickson's developmental tasks (ego identity vs role confusion and then intimacy vs isolation) and I got stuck. My high school GPA is embarrassing! I was performing beneath my potential. This is my big opportunity to prove to myself that I can be exceptional.

So if this is so important to me, why am I wasting time playing on the Internet? This is part of my self defeating behavior, (How silly of me!). And besides, I think I work better under pressure. And furthermore, I am sharing everything about my experiences in school. That includes me being a slacker too. Alright, I'll make a deal with myself. From this moment on, I am going to work on one paper a day from now until next year. I will make time to come and play on the computer once a week. And in between time, I am going to try and wrangle up some X-mas spirit.

-DiVa, seriously getting her crap in order...

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