Do you ever feel sometimes that you block your own happiness by carrying a grudge? I know I do, but when people really hurt your feelings it seems like the end of the world. Especially when you tried to hold the person(s) that hurt you in very high regard. And as a non-traditional student, I thought that more times than not, the people that I go to school with understand me better than anyone in my close personal relationships, family, friends, etc… We experience a lot of the same stressors, academically speaking.(Not always true, DiVa. You have a life of experiences, you have children. They are not like you at all.) I have been recently pondering the concept that, I take things too seriously and often times blow things WAY out of proportion. As of late, I have been trying to stand back and wait, before I get totally pissed off. I am not sure how this is working but you know I will keep you posted.
Now that I am approaching the end of this leg of my educational journey, I look back over my experiences to see if there has been any personal growth. I promised myself when I decided to go back to school that I would try to end the experience as a totally different person than I was when I started. I believe that I have made a lot of positive changes, and I have learned many things about myself and dealing with people in general. I always thought that people, (as a general rule), should be treated the way that you should want to be treated, but I think that a better concept is just to do you best. Be willing to acknowledge that you are not perfect, and that neither are other people. That way it gives you a bit more margin for error. And when you are wrong, don’t be afraid to admit it.
In burying my hatchet, I kind of feel like a fool because you should never give a person a second chance to make you feel like an idiot. But moving forward in relationships, I can forgive, but I can’t forget. And in my mind, I set what I call invisible limitations. That way I sort of protect myself. I have decided to keep my personal opinions about people or situations to myself, even if someone else feels the same way I do. It helps to keep shit down. I have been working on my “social smile”. When I say that I mean, giving the impression that everything is GREAT even if I feel like the roof is caving in. And when people ask for the truth, I will give it to them one time and one time only. If they act like they can’t handle it, I will give them the abbreviated version of my truth with a positive spin on the end of it. I have found that this works a lot better.
I have to remind myself on a daily basis, Stay focused. You are not here to be anyone's friend. You are going to be a great nurse. The kids are well, your grades are fine and almost everyone in your life is in good health. You are not CRAZY! It's almost over...
DiVa, the Drama Queen