Monday, February 13, 2006

Clinical Day Four

Last night was better than the night before. I really have to stop saying that people are cool before I really get to know them. I can't believe it, but my preceptor told me to MY FACE that she was trying to make me cry. I wouldn't give that bitch the satisfaction of seeing me cry. I was pretty close to being discourteous and unprofessional, but if I think if it gets much worse, I am going to tell my clinical instructor and I am getting re-assigned. Before I do all that though, I am about to show this bitch that she has no power over me. We don't have fun conversations at all anymore. The extent of my interaction is strictly professional. I think that she sees that I am not for her shit anymore. She is still talking like she has some sense but every now and then she will say a smart ass comment about something I did wrong and I feel like kicking her ass.

Then I was in the break room and this nurse was talking about another nurse who is sooo great. Then she said some crap like "I am so glad you moved from Texas, because all those "people" moved there from Louisiana and the crime rate just went through the roof." Hmmm. What people are you referring too? Would that be the poor people or the black people? I am sure it must have been the refugees and not the survivors. I am ultra sensitive these days(probably from fatigue), but then I can't be that far off because I overheard people discussing my preceptorship as though I wasn't even in the room. They said, "I can't believe she has a student, first they wanted M to take the student and then someone said what about S. S is mean as hell and she is direct, but she is a damn good nurse and the student will leave here knowing something. S is so smart. She really knows her stuff." How did they know that the DiVa didn't come here knowing something? While I still believe that S does possess a breadth of knowledge that exceeds mine, I still maintain that her personality leaves something to be desired. On several occasions last night she said, "I am trying to be patient with you, and I can only be nice for so long." On day three! Time to start biting back...

I am one of those type of people who get more anxious when I get yelled at, and this lady seems to think that being threatening is educational. I have to keep reminding myself that last night was only my third clinical day and tonight is my fourth. My clinical instructor said I am being too hard on myself because what I am attempting to do now is what I should be able to do at the end of the semester. I feel like S is pushing me. It won't be long before I tell her, and of course I will share it.

Anywho, I have soo much homework. I still have to find an evidenced based article for my paper. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and every year the kids and I make their cards to share with the other kids in their class. That will have to be done with Dad. Speaking of Dads, my father's baby sister died a few days ago. Everyone is preparing to go out of town for the funeral. I hate seeing my father so sad. I may not get to go because he needs me to stay here and attend to things. In a way, I want to go there to support her children and the rest of my family. Well, I suppose I will go ahead and get ready for tonight's clinical experience. Wish me luck...

-DiVa...sort of wishing that nursing knowledge could be downloaded into my mental port like on the Matrix

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