Friday, February 10, 2006

Insomnia and Inspiration

I can't sleep. So I might as well stay up until the kids are off to school. Tonight is my first real night of clinical. Regardless of my ambition, I have decided that I will not be taking a patient by myself. There's no one to impress. I am more concerned with patient safety, and given the fact that it is an intensive care unit, I think I should pace myself a little bit. At least until I know how to find stuff on the crash cart.

Our school gave us a practice NCLEX test recently. I scored exceptionally well on it. I can't believe it myself. Having one of those super high GPA's does not matter anyway; I just need to focus on the big test. The way that our school does things is that if you do well on this test, then they will give you their blessing to take the big test. This is done so that the school can maintain its accreditation and have a high pass rate to attract other students. I have other ideas besides test scores that will help them to achieve this but that is another blog post.

As we are approaching graduation, school seems to be a bit more tolerable than usual. I guess we are all too tired for drama. Class is class. I am doing my best to keep up with the reading assignments. I have a patient care plan due soon that requires me to find evidenced based nursing articles to support my nursing interventions. A sort of why we do what we do thing.

Shhh! I got my student aid check. Happy days are here again, and it was just in time because I was about to lose the farm. I am so relieved. I just have to wait for the bank to remove the hold and I will be back on track.

The children are okay. I have had to speak to the school more regularly about my son. He is going through something right now. I wish I knew how to help him when he is having a hard time like this. We thought that he might have ADHD, so we had him on Strattera. My ex fought me about his son "being on meds" even though he likes to have an occasional toke, (it's more than occasional). His grand mother fought me on the meds too, but there was nothing, (besides the esophageal varices) that could come between her and her Paxil and E&J. His Dad fought me on him seeing a therapist because he didn't agree with me "putting those people in our business". I feel like I am stuck because I can't spank him either. I could always put him in a psychiatric hospital. I did that once when he was really out of control.

Two years ago, my son's teacher was calling me everyday with something. This went on from Sept-Jan of his third grade year. Then finally she called me and told me that he was drooling on his desk and threatening to hurt himself. Before he came home from latchkey, I called a psych hospital for children and told them that I was afraid that he might hurt himself. They admitted him right away. My friends and family thought I was crazy. The psychiatrist and case manager told me that we needed to take a break from each other. So I wasn't allowed to visit him for a few days and he could only call me once a day. This went on for about a month.

Every time my cell phone rang I was going crazy. I was trying to keep up with the clinical hours, and my daughter still had to go to daycare because she was too young for kindergarten. Everything suffered. I didn't get the grades that I wanted to the year before last because I spent all of my energy on my son. He is more important than a 4.0 in college. Since then, we haven't had the problems with depression or bizarre behavior. Now his problem is anger management, work ethic and self-esteem. I will help this kid get his stuff together so help me.

My grandmother is improving. I am glad. My auntie is not I am afraid. My Dad's baby sister is on life support and they have only given her a few days to live. This was unexpected. She had breast cancer, but she didn't get treated because she was afraid. She decided to get treatment about 3-4 years later, but now it is too late. I can't imagine what will happen to the children. She was only 43 years old at the oldest. She had a 12 year old daughter and she was raising her 5 grandchildren, (ages 15-2). So now, there is no one. I imagine that I may be asked to help with a few, but then again my cousin might have to step up and take care of her responsibilities. I really can't afford another child to be responsible for at this time.

On a positive note...
My brother is graduating from boot camp. We are all going to South Carolina to celebrate. I am so proud of him. For a minute, I wasn't convinced that this marines thing was a good idea but maybe this was what he needed. Oh and let's not forget I graduate in about three months! Okay time to get the kids ready for school. I hope that whoever reads this has a blessed and inspired day.

G’night (or good day as the case may be)

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