Today has been the most frustrating orientation day to date. I am pissed off at the residents right now. While I understand that they are students, I also need them to understand that I don't know everything there is to know about being a nurse. I have a few choice profanities on my lips at this moment, but my level of professionalism won't allow me to type them. I digress...
Today I attempted to do my first delivery by myself. This is the second time. The first time I said screw it and let me preceptor take over. At most facilities there are two nurses that handle deliveries, the baby nurse and the mom nurse. At this facility I AM the baby nurse and the mom nurse. I have two preceptors. One lets me do whatever I feel comfortable doing and the other doesn't seem to trust me enough yet. Since I attended a very pretensious university in my area, I am reluctant to step up and say "Get back, I think I can handle it." I don't want people to say, that DiVa is a snobby bitch but in a minute, I am gonna let my nuts hang. Screw em!
In L&D, we have these tracings that represent the fetal heart rate. My preceptor was in another delivery and she was attempting to let me handle it, which I must say, I was kickin' ass. So I noticed that the fetal tracing was sucking really bad and decided to tell a resident. The first resident said, just turn her over and give her oxygen. I did that and the tracing was still not so good. So I asked a second resident what I should do and she pretty much reamed me out. And then was a little pissed off because I wasn't running through the halls like it was a full code situation. The DiVa just doesn't freak out like that, mainly because I didn't want my teenage patient having her first baby to freak out. Long story short, she was ready to push.
So then all the residents were in the room, and my preceptor told me to coach my patient while pushing. Here I go..."Take both arms and reach around your thighs, curl your body around your baby, take a deep breath and push down into your bottom like you are having a bowel movement." I practiced saying that 1,000 times so that I could sound like I knew what I was talking about. Before I could try it out, the resident takes over. This made me feel like she thought that I didn't know what I was doing, and I thought it kind of gave my patient the impression that I didn't know what the hell I was doing. I was cool.
Then the attending physician came in and reprimanded me about the way that I was holding the patient's legs. My patient wasn't complaining. The baby crowned and It was time for my "wonder twin" nursing powers to activate. While I was tooling around the birthing suite, running back and forth between mother and baby, the attending decided to ask me if I had addressed the mother's positive chlamydia test that was done on the 28th of July. Of course it was done by a resident, but not documented. Again making me look like an idiot in front of the patient. My preceptor was silent. So I assumed that I was doing okay. Then I guess I was moving too slow. I don't know, I guess I am still trying to find order in chaos.
I had extremely low confidence today. After that whole encounter, I wanted to walk out. But then , my preceptor told me I was okay and that I shouldn't feel too discouraged because I am cut out for this job. I felt a little better. I was supposed to leave at 11pm but I stayed until 3am because I am not going to let this job beat me. I am tired, so I think I am going to call it a night. Besides tomorrow is another day.
-DiVa...Birthin' babies with attitude and latitude