Wednesday, August 01, 2007

I'm a NurseDiva, even at home!

As you know I am a DiVa and a Mom. I love being both but sometimes, I like to leave the NurseDiva at work. When I work, my FOB watches the kids. It's free and Hell, it's his responsibility. So Saturday morning, when I came home to find him passed out on my couch my nursing super-powers began to tingle. When I finally woke his dumb ass up I asked him what was wrong. He said something like, "I am having the worst headache of my life." I was thinking, Damn, I haven't got that life insurance policy, yet...this bastard better not stroke out in my living room!"

I will be back to tell you what happened next after I take my son to his physical.


Alright I am back. Where was I? Oh yeah, so my FOB was having the worst headache of his life and I was regretting not having gotten that life insurance policy. I told him to get up right now and go to the hospital. I went with him and when we arrived I said a phrase that I knew would get him a room immediately. I said, "I think he's having a stroke." So they did the "hold your hands out" and "smile" tests. He passed. They asked me why I thought he might be having a stroke and I told them about his headache. They tried to take his blood pressure and it was unmeasurable. So then they take him to a trauma bay and hook him up to the monitor. His blood pressure still wouldn't register. So they keep trying and finally a blood pressure of 248/161 came up. Amazingly, they did not panic.

They tried to start an IV and had problems gaining IV access. I volunteered to help and we found access. Then they gave him medications in his IV. He got 60mg of labetalol and even after that his pressure was 199/136. I am freaking out and somewhat regretting my decision not to take him to the county hospital, but at the same time I didn't want him to code in my car. Long story short, they kept him in the hospital for three days and discharged him. Do you think he so much as thanked me for my help? Not him. I was almost having a moment of weakness, until he got smart. I should have let his ass have that stroke he was trying so hard to have. But I was trying to help. He is so goofy. Right now, he hasn't eaten anything because he is on a 1500mg sodium diet and he has no idea what he can eat. I would help him, but he has an attitude. For all I care, he can eat salad everyday. I am half tempted to order his favorite pizza with pepperoni, sausage and bacon and leave it on the counter steaming hot and cheesy...

But you know I am not going to do that. I will be nice and grill him a piece of chicken and steam some rice and vegetable. I might even measure the correct proportions so that he doesn't overeat. Hold on. He doesn't live here. He better pack a lunch!

DiVa...letting a grown man be a grown man for a change!


Vixen said...

what does FOB stand for? Father of boys? Your ex man?

Nurse Diva Extraordinaire said...

FOB=father of baby.
SO= significant other.

Both are acronyms used frequently in the labor and delivery unit when you don't want to assume that the person with the patient is the "husband". In this instance, I am referring to my ex-man.