Sunday, September 30, 2007

Finding my rhythm...

First off I want to say a huge thank you to all of you that stop by and visit. Overactive, Vixen and Steve, you guys are my cheerleaders. Thanks for being there. CocoaDawn, thank you for stopping by! I appreciate your compliments words of encouragement. I do this whole blog thing for people like you. When I first decided to return to school, there were no blogs like mine. And it is for people like you that I continue to blog, even today.

The Goods
I have still been fooling around with my daughter's father. I'll admit it, I don't think I can make it without his assistance. It lightens the financial load, that is when he pays the bills he is supposed to pay. Furthermore, I really can't rely on help from my family with my kids. So essentially, I think I do need him a little. But I realized recently that he is truly an a**hole. I felt sorry for him when he had his recent hospitalization and I let him back into my life. I know, I am stupid for continuing to let him back into my life but this is a lesson that I have to learn by busting my butt a few times. Lately, I realized that my self-esteem must be terribly low. I let him talk to me like I am worthless. He does absolutely nothing to help around the house and he swears that he has no money, when I know he does. We have no physical relationship at all, which for some might be okay, but the DiVa has NEEDS! And since I have returned to school he has gotten worse. I think that he thinks that once I become Dr. DiVa he will be living the good life. I gotta nip that in the bud, immediately. Even if that means that I have to get a job.

At first I thought that he was punishing me because he is sick and I am in good health. Not my fault, I warned his dumb ass about his obesity and blatant disregard for physical activity. As of late I am continually warning him to seek medical advice about this tumor on his brain. I guess he is waiting for it to metastasize or something. I told him that I was going to get a lover and he said he didn't care. Last weekend I went on a overnight trip with my ex and the kids and he didn't seem to care. I asked him to leave, but he refuses. Why on earth would a guy want to stay in a situation like that? The kids could care less if he is here or not. I told him what the ground rules would be if I left and he said I was a bitch. Why is it when a woman sets boundaries, she is being a bitch? I can't stand the sight of him. I am thinking of something legal to get him out of my house, more importantly, I need to figure out a way to keep him out of my life, except for being responsible for his daughter.

School is going okay. I need to find a way to correct my habit of chronic tardiness. I can't help it, I am late. Everywhere I go, I am late. I will probably be late to my own funeral. Despite that, my self discipline seems to be improving. I finished my assignment yesterday and it is due on Monday. As I was working on my focused exam, I realized that someday in the near future, I will be assessing patients and prescribing medications. I will be creating assignments for students, grading papers and acting as a clinical leader. I really need to get my stuff in order. Dr. DiVA cannot be late. Dr. DiVa should be organized. Dr. DiVa don't need to be relying on no man for nothing. Bishop T.D. Jakes was talking about the rhythm of being a woman today. And what he said was true.

As women, we have a natural rhythm that we maintain. It kind of reminds me of juggling how we have to manage our finances, keep the house reasonably clean, be a support system to the kids, and be the star student/employee all at the same time. This situation with my dude is a challenge. I have to prove to myself that I can do it without him. I've got a rhythm to maintain. He isn't doing anything anyway and he is NOT my husband. He is messing up my flow!

Well, I am supposed to be getting ready to take my family out to dinner for my son's birthday. Yes, I am now the proud parent of a teenager. My mother bought him an I-pod Nano for his birthday. I am still pissed off about the cell phone, so there are definitely going to be some rules about the I-pod.

The future Dr. DiVa...maybe if I think of myself as a doctor, I will be motivated to do the right thing!

P.S. If you want to email me feel

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