Sunday, June 29, 2008

Get it together, girl...

I finished all the intensive courses for my women's health class. I hate to say it but I think I made enemies with the instructor, for reasons beyond my control. I am black. I can't change that. Micheal Jackson can, but I like being black...finally! Enough of my life was spent trying to be black enough so that my black peers wouldn't call me an "oreo" and race neutral enough to make the other kids and faculty at my all white elementary, middle and high schools not feel intimidated. Now I am free to be the only me I know how to be. I love my pretty brown skin. I love having that sexy sassy thing that makes a black woman so alluring. Changing it is out of the question and impossible.

Alright, here's what I did. I was working on a group assignment with my partner. The first assignment we scored a 21/25. Not the grade I wanted but not failing. Now, I could have taken that in stride, but the instructor's feedback was written in a very sharp tone and it made me feel like she thought that I didn't know what I was talking about. She asked for the rationale for my decisions and I gave them in writing. I thought I was being cute and witty. All I did was end up pissing her off. She gave us a 17/25, which resulted in me requesting a meeting. Let's just be for real, I am a DiVa but I don't perform at a 68%...ever! When I met with her she asked that I take of the gloves, which I don't recall having the gloves on to begin with. We spoke in a civil way and I thought we were cool. The next day she made a joke towards me in an attempt to be playful. I didn't laugh at the joke, mainly because it wasn't funny and I didn't think she was talking to me. I was not paying attention, I was digging in my bookbag looking for a plastic spoon! And now I don't think we are cool anymore. I think she attributes most of our friction to me being an Aquarian and she being a Taurus. I don't know much about astrology...

Back to the whole race thing. I have realized something. As a black female I have to take the emotion out of whatever I say or do (unless of course the emotion is positive) because no matter what I do to try and come across as objective (race neutral) I will be labeled agressive just because of the color of my skin.

DiVa...can't we all just get along!

Sunday, June 22, 2008

See...I'm even late blogging!

I am really trying to work on that punctuality thing. I am getting there. Tomorrow I have a huge test, but I decided to hang out with my nieces instead of studying seriously. I tried to study on the beach while keeping an eye on the kids. Not easy.

The lifestyle change thing is going well. I have lost 20 pounds so far! I am not on any crazy fad diets, I'm doing it the old fashioned way. No fast food. No soda or juice. Exercising at the gym 5 days a week. I even bought a bike to ride back and forth to clinicals and to the gym. I figured I could save on gas and burn calories at the same time. So far so good, but I wonder if I can keep this up forever. Lately I have been feeling a little depressed. It's summer, the kids are spending time away from home. I am so busy with school. No love in my life. sigh...

It's for the better because I really don't have time for love. I am working on getting the house remodeled. The finance company is getting all in my business. They asked me for my W2s for the past 2 years. I never heard of that before. So I decided not to give it to them and they cancelled the appointment for the job. I don't blame them, I would want to know where my money is coming from too!

The stats class is going okay. I really didn't expect anything higher than a B in that class. But the women's health class, that instructor has a personal vendetta against me because I was late to class on the first day and I did not suck up. She is so critical when she grades my paper. I know it has to be me because the class average is high and my papers always score so low. The first score was 21/25 which is okay, but now she gave me a 17/25 and that is straight up bullshit. I think it is time for us to meet for coffee so that we can clear the air. I am just going to ask her straight out if she has a problem with me. If she says no then we are cool, but if she says yes we are going to have to talk with the dean. Somehow, someway we are going to work it out. And that's all I have to say about that! Now I have to get a really good grade on this stupid test tomorrow.

Back to my studies...