Monday, January 26, 2009

Since I am not ready to tell you to your face...

I will tell the world!

I have been a great friend to you. When we worked in Labor and Delivery together, our co-workers treated you like poop. I listened to you cry. I fixed your mistakes and watched your tracings so that you wouldn't let your patients hyper-stimulate. It was I that defended you and tried to make you feel like a member of the team. I was so excited when we received the fellowship together. It seemed like the start of a beautiful friendship. But there is one thing that I have taken for granted. You have no idea what it means to be a true friend.

My first semester of the FNP program was challenging. I had been out of school for a year and a half. The L&D job was hard on my feelings of confidence and self-esteem. And it didn't help that our assessment instructor called me 'fat' in front of the entire class. Instead of being my friend and supporting me, you opted to kiss our instructor's ass because she was your advisor. I was not saying that you had to hate her because she was mean to me. That's ludicrous! My thought was that since I listened to you vent when you were being ostracized at our previous employer, that when I am having a hard time that you would return the favor. That's what friends are for! But not you. You tried to distance yourself from me. I talked to you about it and I decided that it would be better for me to give you plenty of space.

You understood that I distanced myself from you because of your behavior. You apologized and I forgave because it is who I am, it's what I do. I thought that you truly valued our friendship. I was wrong. The first class we took together this semester we had a group project. It was a spur of the moment thing and we were given an option. Either we could work on the project after class or come in early the next morning and complete our work. We voted and the majority won fair and square. We agreed to stay late. You said you had daycare issues. I understand daycare issues, I too am a mother. But your kids were with your mother and you said that she was understanding.

We offered to let you leave and you chose to stay. You said you only needed to make a phone call. But you had decided that if you HAD to stay, you were going to make EVERYBODY miserable. You disappeared for an extended period of time, then you expected the whole group to wait for you to read the article before we started working on the project. I thought that sucked because you were gone at least 30 minutes. That was more than enough time to make a phone call home. You insisted on doing the powerpoint which was fine. But anytime that we tried to give you feedback about typographical errors and problems with content, you had a very nasty attitude. It was HELL working with you. But you explained your position and I tried to understand. Everyone deserves a second chance. Then there is Sunday...

This Sunday, we had our class that teaches us how to negotiate our contracts once we become nurse practitioners. This was very important to all of us, especially those of us in primary care. We all need to know how insurance covers patients and how to chart so that we get reimbursed. Just because you are a midwife and they bill for your services in bundles doesn't mean that the rest of the class might not have benefited from the content. Within one hour of the class starting, your kids started calling you. And it was for stupid stuff. You interrupted our class to take these phone calls and expected that the teacher wait for you to finish your calls before she continued teaching. That was so unfair and if it were me, you would have said something. I also did not appreciate how you spoke to our classmate, who happened to know the answer to a question that you posed. I know, you didn't say it to me, but I thought that you were unnecessarily mean.

Since the teacher told you that class would be over at 3pm, she tried to rush through the content to accommodate you. That was also bullshit. Our class costs $1500 and I felt that we should be able to benefit from being able to answer questions. You made us all feel very uncomfortable. You should be ashamed of yourself. We came all they way to your neighborhood, which was better than 30 minutes from campus and within 10 minutes of your home. That made the drive almost an hour for me and at least 30 minutes for everyone else. We did everything to accommodate you. And you still had to have it your way. I apologize but I cannot be your friend.


2 comments: said...

Hi Nurse DiVa;
Pete Dowan here !
I realize that there is very little chance that this e-mail will result in anything, but that's better than the zero chance if I didn't try. I was googling for Nurse related blogs and I came across your site and thought I'd contact you.
I am a medically disabled songwriter from St Catharines, Ontario, Canada, and have written many songs about many different subjects and in several different styles, but one in particular was a result of my numerous times spent in various hospitals in my area.
One of the last times I came home I decided to try and write one for those who had cared for my well being during those trying times and I focused on the ones that were fresh in my memory. The song I wrote about (and for) them is called "LADIES IN WHITE". They wore white uniforms and were all female (YES, I know that there ARE male nurses AND know that not many wear white any more... but besides how amazingly efficient and caring they were, that was what I remembered of them .. besides, since white is actually made up of all the colours of the spectrum, it therefore represents every colour). It is not rock or pop, rap or hip hop or even a ballad... it is just a happy, simple to sing-along-with, uptempo song.
I mention that I am medically disabled because various factors of my condition stop me from being able to use professional studios to record my songs, so I have to do them here, at home, in my basement, on donated equipment from musicians I used to work with. For the same reason, I also am unable to perform my music live.
I was wondering if you'd like to hear the song, since your blog is about and for nurses. I can send you an MP3, a short term link or it can be heard on my "MySpace" page ... which is ... the second song on the list.
I DO understand if you'd rather not.
Have a great day, and keep smiling.

Musically Yours,
Pete Dowan {:-) [pronounced like plowin' ]

clueless said...


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Much love