I have completely lost my motivation to write my proposal. Seriously! In the beginning I was so excited and energetic. I wanted to get a committee together and change the world. Then I met the red tape of making appointments, inexplicable delays and people deciding at the last minute that they don't have the time or expertise to help me with my study. The first draft of my proposal was the final project of the last course of my doctoral degree. I got a 'D' on my proposal...Yes folks, a 'D'!!! I received the first 'D' of my collegiate academic career on the 'crown jewel' of my studies, which resulted in the first and only 'C' as a final grade on my college transcript...At which point I just put on my big girl panties and said "Screw it!"
I can't write a decent literature review to save my life. I had to change the study...Well not change, just make a few minor adjustments. Thank GOD it doesn't require a whole new literature review! I have to change my theory, (not really a big deal) but after the horrific feedback that I received from the last person that reviewed the draft of my proposal I have just felt my confidence sink to an all time low. I guess I just need to whine. I have tried Vodka, chocolate, sleep and a chat with a therapist...I still feel poopy :(
I think what makes this 64 page masterpiece so overwhelming is that it is a 64 page fiasco. Today, the goal that I am setting between me and my chair today is to break this monstrosity into small digestible portions so that I can reduce my anxiety. The next step is to talk to people in my community who can realistically help me plan my intervention. I have been doing a bit of research in this area and was disappointed to find that there has already been a project of my kind done...However, no one has published their findings which I find to be somewhat comforting.
Being a bit of a trailblazer is HOT! But this is a lot of work (I am making excuses!!!) I don't know where to start, (lie). I need some guidance, (now you're talking). Perhaps today's meeting will be insightful, (let's hope so). I want to graduate in August (we'll see about that). Hey...It could happen!